Breath on the Embers
by ItalicsInIndigo
Summary: As the sixth year of Sekiraku ends, Youko still has more troubles than she'd like with running the kingdom of Kei. With Kou in utter chaos and a struggling country of her own, she must still find a way to address the troubles of the heart. Mild YxK
1. Prologue

**A/N Hello and welcome to my novel-lengther, Breath on the Embers. It started out life as a short project for the 31days community on LiveJournal but kind of...developed a life of its own. You'll see what I mean. It's been three months and I'm still only about a fourth of the way through. :) It was suppose to start on the 23rd of May 08... it is now the 23rd of August. Oops...**

**If you think that's bad, I have a whole folder of belated oneshots. (groan)**

**Each day's theme was originally supposed to be one chapter, but I had to start cutting 'em up when I reached 9,000 words per theme. The reason this prologue is so discordant with the majority of the fic is because I couldn't pass up on the theme- it was perfect for Yo-Ou and touches on themes that will later pop up. The actual body is Youko's POV with the occasional bit of Keiki. It starts off the fluffiest bit of plotlessness you've ever read, but it gets a whole lot grittier after Chapter Six.**

**In case you're wondering whether this follows the books or the anime - well, both, I suppose. They've kind of melted into one in my head. This is the world of what the anime would have been if it had continued. So yes, there are spoilers for what happens beyond the anime. I really recommend reading the books, if you haven't already. There are plenty of free translations online.**

**Big thanks to 31Days for the inspiration!**

**And I've waffled on for far too long already! On with the fic!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Juuni Kokki**

**Theme- Who Can Love You and Still Be Standing? (23 May 08)**

* * *

**Prologue**

Let this be a warning to anyone who dares to love another. Her only legacy.

She's used to purple. It's the colour of the wildflowers in her meadow-garden, where she hides from the world. It's in her sky, and her embroidery, in the threads she weaves together on her loom. Most importantly, it's in his eyes, a tranquil colour. A kind colour.

She doesn't know how purple suddenly became her enemy. But now it's wept itself out of his eyes and over his skin, crawling, scabbing, marring. Killing.

And it's all her fault.

She opens her mouth, to say she's sorry, to tell him she loves him. But all she can do is gasp. This pain- it's like nothing she's ever felt before. Her heart isn't just breaking, it's shattering. And as the pieces fall away, she sees what she has done. How she has lost the way so totally and irrevocably.

Her knees fold under the weight of the realisation, and she falls to the floor in a flutter of robes, hardly noticing the pain. She reaches a trembling hand towards his sleeping face, always pale but now frozen in a death pallor.

He could be made out of marble, if not for the barely perceptible rise and fall of his chest. His face, lovely and serene where it is not burned by the ugly rashes of the _shitsudou_. He's too beautiful. Too beautiful for a mere human like her, even for a demi-god, an empress. He was never hers to love. Fool empress that she is though, she fell for him anyway. And now he pays the price.

A mere pace separates them in body, but he is far beyond her now, almost to the precipice.

"Is there nothing more the doctors can do?" she whispers, although she already knows the answer. There is a dull murmur behind her as the ministers dodge the questions. She sighs and reaches out to brush the pale hair back from his head, once, twice. He would disapprove of that, if he were awake. She longs for the eyes to open, for the frown and the following rebuke. For the rare smile and the familiar voice calling _Your Highness_. He doesn't stir.

She finishes her farewell caress, and stands. She has to go now, in this vital moment of lucidity and determination. If she lingers any longer, her heart –or what little is left of it- will fail, and she will wither away by his bedside until they are both dust.

"Prepare my mount," she says, voice hard. She strides five paces towards the door, but stops before she reaches it.

"And…and…" she falters, looks back over her shoulder at the white-gold hair spilling over the pillow. "When he wakes- tell him I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

With unconcealed shock, they realise what she means to do.

"Empress!"

"Empress, no!"

But she's already gone.

She doesn't let herself cry until she's soaring over Kinpa palace, leaving it all behind. Only then does she allow herself to say his name.

"Keiki…"

She sets her sight on the horizon and sends a silent prayer to her successor.

_Whoever you__ may be, take care of him. Do not be a fool like this unworthy empress. Take care of him, but do not dare to love him. There is nobody in this world who can love him and still be whole._

* * *

**A/N Next chapter not so depressing. Promise. Bear with me, and thanks for reading!**

**-Indy**


	2. Baby Steps

**A/N You're still here! Yay for you!**

**Again, many thanks to 31Days, heart-attack inducer to procrastinators everywhere.**

**Theme- When a Woman Learns to Walk, She's Not Dependant Any More (24 May 08)**

* * *

**Chapter One**

**Baby Steps**

A heavily embroidered surcoat, cream and rose, hung forlornly from a tree branch. Beneath it sulked a pair of equally ornate shoes, one filled with a small pile of discarded pearl hairpins.

Their owner stood in the molten afternoon, knee-deep in the Cloud Sea. Her scarlet trousers were rolled unceremoniously up to her knees, and her matching tunic was darkly spotted with droplets of water. Her hair, braided and twined on her head, was stripped of all ornaments but a few dusky pink peonies. A wide embroidered ivory sash drew her waist in.

"Go on," said the slender figure without turning around. "Sigh. I know you want to."

There was a pause, and Youko grinned as she heard him consciously try to resist.

She rescued him. "What is it? Did one of the ministers want me for something?"

"Shu-jou, you shouldn't wander off," he chided, sounding slightly embarrassed for being caught sneaking up on her. "In any case, there are some issues over the upcoming celebrations that need your approval."

Youko winced as she remembered that it would soon be the sixth anniversary of her ascent to the throne of Kei.

"Is all this pomp and circumstance really necessary? Why can't we just declare a national holiday and be done with it?"

This time he did sigh.

"The people have worked very hard to rebuild the kingdom. After so many years of toil and suffering they deserve a reason to celebrate. This is the first year since Your Highness' coronation that we can afford such an event. "

She almost sighed herself at the half-accusation in his words. _Must he always do that? I know I still have a lot to learn. He doesn't have to remind me how green I am._

She turned to look at him, feet scrunching through silky sand. He stood primly on the grass, face serene.

"Are you unhappy with me, Keiki? You know I can't ever tell what you want from me."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Shu-jou…"

She splashed through the waves, dumping the pins in her shoe into a palm and then tucking them into a pocket. She hopped while she pulled the slippers on, shrugging gracelessly into her surcoat.

"So what exactly do I need to do?" she started. She trailed off as Keiki moved closer to her, very seriously reaching out one hand. He gently brushed her shoulder.

"There was," he said solemnly, "A leaf on your shoulder."

He held it up. They contemplated it together in a moment of silent awkwardness.

"Keiki…"

He spoke softly. "I am not graced with a way with words."

She couldn't hold back a small smile. "Huh. You think?"

His eyes crinkled in that funny way of theirs, when he couldn't quite work out her meaning. He let the leaf drop. It fluttered down to land by his shoe. Youko stared at the contrast of his pale skin against the black silk.

It would have been so much easier if he'd have been the kind of person who'd let her throw her arms around him and hug him. But he didn't even like her to touch his shoulder or the back of his hand.

Something she had once said to Rakushun flickered through her mind. Something about the only distance between two people being the number of steps they stood apart. She blinked at his foot. It was barely a step away from her, yet so very distant.

It filled her with a kind of wordless frustration, that he as her kirin was supposed to be so close to her, and yet they hardly spoke apart from the day-to-day business of running a kingdom. _If he's my other half, then perhaps I haven't yet learned to fit inside my own skin._

Still, it made her feel like a failure, especially whenever she thought of how Enki interacted with the Royal En, or Hanrin with her Emperor. Especially, especially when others told her of the kindness her kirin had shown to Taiki and his former empress, Yo-ou. A kindness he didn't see fit to show to her.

Yo-ou?

She looked up to him. He was studying her face with an inscrutable expression.

"You're thinking about Yo-Ou, aren't you, Keiki?"

In the brief moment before he looked away, she caught the pain on his face.

"It's OK," she said. "Six years. I understand.

Jokaku, or 'Yo-Ou' as she had become known after her death, had been Keiki's former empress. Although she had in her the potential to become a wise and compassionate ruler, she shied away from the world and neglected her duties. Due to Keiki's kindness towards her, she fell disastrously in love with him. As he could not love her in return, she banished all women from Kei in order to try and stop him from falling for another. Those who disobeyed and stayed behind were put to death.

Heaven would not allow these transgressions, and struck down her beloved kirin with the_ shitsudou_ illness. She renounced her throne and accepted death in order that he should live. Her entire reign lasted just six years.

Though she had been a bad empress and had lost the mandate of heaven, she had been a kind soul, and Keiki's first lord. Even after all of these years, he still thought of her.

Youko briskly tugged her trousers straight. Jealousy for a dead woman. How pathetic.

"Come on, then" she said, not looking at him. "Let's not keep the ministers waiting."

* * *

Summers above the Cloud Sea were a little cooler than those below it, but the afternoon was still stuffy, even with all the windows open. In this little scroll-lined conference room, the air was like warmed treacle. Youko tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, glad for once about the handmaidens who pinned it up each morning. Heavy, thick hair was unbearable in the summer.

She eyed her kirin, stoic as ever, and wondered how on earth he could stand wearing those black robes at this time of the year.

He caught her staring, and blinked in confusion.

"Keiki, how do you cope in those robes? Just looking at you makes me want to jump in the lake."

"Shu-jou?"

"Never mind." She leant her head in her hands. "Please tell me that's everything sorted now," she moaned. "I think I'm about to melt."

Enho chuckled. "Anyone who says that an imperial life is glamorous has certainly never had to deal with paperwork." He looked as composed and serene as ever. But then, the old man radiated tranquillity and wisdom wherever he was.

"The respective rulers and kirin from En, Tai and Han have accepted your invitations to the celebration." said Koukan. "That's a pretty good turnout for just a sixth anniversary."

"The Emperor of Han is coming?"

"Yes," he answered dryly. "I believe he never misses an opportunity to …show off."

"Ah."

"On a more serious note," Koukan said, the amusement leaving his face, "We're having more trouble along the southern border. The youma from Kou just keep on coming. The provincial armies are having trouble trying to respond to every incident. They simply can't cover the entire border, it's too wide an area. And anyway, we need their labour to repair the roads in time for the winter migration to the cities."

Youko felt her heart sink. Kou was still a sore spot for her. It had been her first taste of the world Over Here. She'd met some good people there. It wasn't their fault that they'd suffered under a bad Emperor, now deceased. Nor was it their fault that the new Kourin was still just a child on Mt. Hou, too young yet to choose a ruler who might lead them to peace and prosperity. For the time being, they were stuck with a land ravaged by natural disasters, infested with youma and under the thumb of some very questionable ministers.

Under the loose reign of the government, local tyrants had arisen in various towns and provinces to take advantage of the chaos. Laws meant very little any more. The number of refugees fleeing to the neighbouring kingdoms of Sou and her own Kei had tripled in the last few years. Apparently, even the venerable emperor of Sou was beginning to get alarmed at the number of people seeking sanctuary in his country.

She wished there was more she could do. But Kei was a still a poor country, albeit one finally managing to struggle to its feet again. It was a strain just to house all the refugees flooding over the borders. The ministers were beginning to mutter that she was spending too much on them as it was.

Neither was this as simple a matter as calling for help from other countries, as when they had tried to find Taiki and Gyousou. With no emperor on the throne, and no right to interfere on foreign soil, all anyone could do was accept refugees, send grain surpluses and hope for the best.

An imperial crown, Youko had learnt, was a heavy thing indeed.

"How many?" she asked quietly.

"In the latest attack, twenty civilians died, eight soldiers. There was a kochou, they found it hard to fight back."

_Six years on the throne and still the death toll rises. Will the suffering never end?_

"What about sky-riders? Could we dispatch the Imperial Guard next time?"

"I'm afraid as well-meant as that suggestion is, it wouldn't be effective. We have no way of telling where youma will turn up. Even if we could move all the troops from around Kinpa Palace –which we can't, they're here to protect you in case of an emergency- the logistical problems of trying to feed and equip all the soldiers who would be needed to protect the entire border…"

Youko grimaced. "Point taken. But couldn't we assemble a few small groups of experienced fighters at strategic points along the border? A sort of rapid-response network? And maybe we could do something about teaching civilians how to defend themselves. If they could fight back for themselves, we wouldn't need so many soldiers."

Koukan smiled. "Your Highness sounds like a general. No wonder the people are starting to call you their fire-haired warrior queen."

Youko blushed furiously.

"I'll consult General Kantai. He'll know if this sort of thing can be implemented."

"I believe that is all for today," said Enho, rising from his chair. "Youko, will you accompany me on a little stroll around that lovely lake outside? I feel a sudden desire for watching the fish."

She smiled at him. "Enho, I'd accompany you anywhere. Especially if it was cooler than this heat-trap."

"Shu-jou." His voice was as quiet as always.

She looked up at her kirin. He had remained silent through the youma discussion, probably in distaste for the talk of violence. His eyes were serious.

"I must depart for my administrative duties in Ei Province now. But I need to talk to you when I get back this evening. Please don't go wandering off."

"Keiki," she sighed, a little annoyed by his lecturing tone. "When do I ever go wandering off?"

"You did last week," chorused Enho and Koukan behind her.

She winced. "Well, there's a whole city down there," she muttered. "It'd be a shame not to see it."

Keiki actually smiled for once, very slightly, at the corners of his mouth. "Just stay in the general Gyouten area," he said more gently, and bowed his head to her before leaving the room.

"Do you mind if I join you?" queried Koukan cheerily. "I've been so caught up in this festival business that I haven't seen the outside of the palace for about a week. A walk will do me good."

The grounds of Kinpa Palace were filled with scurrying ministers and servants, relaying orders for food, entertainment and guest arrangements for the grand celebrations to be held the day after next. Two separate sets of events were arranged, one for the inhabitants of the palace and the nobles and ministers of the realm, the other for the ordinary people of Kei. Gyouten especially was going overboard, having not had a good festival for decades. When she'd visited the streets incognito a week before, they'd already started putting up the red paper lanterns.

The people who passed her ducked their heads and grinned at her as they passed. It had taken a while for them to get used to not bowing to her, after her infamous Inaugural Rescript. Now that they had learned that their empress was an easygoing young woman, the whole palace felt much more relaxed. She'd even begun to enjoy living in it.

The trio stood at the edge of a small lake nestled within the peaks of the mountain-island. The water flickered as the sunlight glimmered from the backs of the large orange fish who lived in it. They wove around the clouds of pink lilies just as busily as the festival-fevered servants.

Youko leaned on the railings of the small pagoda built out over the edge of the lake. The shade was blessedly cool after the stuffy palace halls. She closed her eyes and smiled.

"A happy empress is a blessing for her kingdom," remarked Enho as he studied the fish. "If her heart is light, she is more likely to use it to love and forgive her subjects."

Youko opened one eye. "What are you getting at?"

"You've seemed to become more at peace with yourself as your rule has gone on. That can only be good. Except lately…"

"Lately?"

"You have –ah, how do I put this? A tendency to stress yourself out. And then you keep that worry to yourself. You could at least share your concerns with your kirin. That _is_ what he's there for."

Youko winced. "With Keiki? Have you ever tried having a heart-to-heart with him? It's like trying to get sympathy out of a teapot."

"True," Enho conceded. "But with all respect, I have to wonder how earnestly you have tried to get along with him."

Youko began to complain, but he held a hand up. "Please don't take that the wrong way. I know you're busy, and Keiki's demeanour can be disheartening, at best, but you could get through to him if you were a little more patient and compassionate. Moreover, I believe he would like to be more open as you as well. However, I think that you're going to have to be the one to start things off this time. You have probably noticed his complete lack of social skills."

Youko laughed. "All right, old teacher, I take your point."

"Good. I shall not irritate you any further with my interfering, then."

"But I will," announced Koukan, coming up behind them. "You really should try confiding in Keiki sometimes, Youko. An empress and her kirin are meant to be close. They're two halves of the same whole, and they can't do without each other. Neither can the kingdom truly attain peace and prosperity if the ruler and Saiho are not in harmony with each other."

She gave him a tired smile. "Yes, I know. I know."

He inclined his head towards her. "I know this must seem like we're always hassling you, but it's only because we want to succeed. We've seen glimpses of the greatness you could achieve, and we want you to reach those heights. You really could become a _meikun_, Youko, and we just want to help you along your way." He coughed slightly. "So does Keiki."

She chuckled, part annoyed, part amused and part chastised, and stuck her hands over her ears. "Enough! I understand already! Keiki is simply a poor old misunderstood pony that I have to cheer up and tell my tales of woe to. Desist, you villains!"

Koukan snorted. "You can't be _that _worried if your sense of sarcasm is so healthy," he teased her, leaning on the railings a few steps away. "But Yo-Ou has been weighing heavily on your mind lately, right?"

"How did you know?" she admitted, not meeting his eyes.

"Your sixth year as Empress is approaching. It's not exactly hard to work out."

Youko took a moment to order her thoughts before she spoke. "Yo-Ou… she wasn't a bad person, by the accounts I've heard, and by what Suiguu has shown me. She was kind and gentle. She didn't set out to make Kei a poor country. But she ended up losing the way regardless. I try everyday to make Kei a good country, but I truthfully don't know how much of an effect I'm having. What's to stop me from losing the way too?"

Her two advisors were silent behind her. Youko sighed and studied the reflection of herself in the water. The mirror-girl flickered and disappeared as the water rippled. Youko felt hardly more solid than her double.

Someone drew breath to speak, but she interrupted them. "I've managed to stave off complete disaster this far, but the people have now gotten over the novelty of a new empress. The honeymoon period of my reign is over, and all my mistakes seem so dire and obvious, especially to the people. I could lose their support so easily. I could lose _myself_ so easily…"

There was quiet for a moment longer. Finally, Enho spoke.

"What makes a good empress, Youko?"

She turned to face him. "I don't know! That's the point! How am I supposed to govern Kei justly if I don't know-"

"Describe for me the personality of the Emperor of En."

Youko blinked. "En-Ou?"

"If you would."

"Well- he's very laid-back. And he has a peculiar sense of humour. He does have a sense of duty, I suppose, although he can be very flippant about it. He doesn't like to work very hard, and he can be lazy. At times he's not nearly as serious as he should be."

"Would you necessarily call those the traits of a fine emperor?"

"Well…no."

"And yet En-Ou has ruled En justly and happily for five hundred years now. So he must be doing something right."

"Yes, I suppose so. But that's because of his good qualities."

"Which are?"

"He knows when he really has to be serious and work, and he will, with all determination. He has a strong sense of justice, and he truly cares about his people and wishes to better their lives. He listens to them and really understands what they want. He's always willing to help others, no matter what the price."

Enho steepled his fingers and smiled. "Don't you see, Youko? A good emperor does not have to be perfect, nor is he really expected to be. Your first set of points made that clear, and you were perfectly right in recognising En-Ou's faults. An emperor is, of course, human at heart. And that is what a kirin and advisors are for – to compensate for your faults and keep you pointed in the right direction. Never forget that you are not alone.

"And secondly, all those treasured and desirable qualities that you listed afterwards- Youko, didn't they strike you as rather similar to the qualities you have within yourself?"

Youko stared at him, shocked. Koukan laughed.

"That was very nicely put, Taishi!" he said. "But she's too modest to agree with you."

Enho reached out and patted Youko's brightly robed shoulder. "Then here is something you can agree with. _You are not Yo-Ou_. Remember that."

She smiled awkwardly up at him. "Thank you. Really, thank you. I'll try to remember that."

"But there's something else troubling you. I can see it in your face."

She looked back into the water. A red-haired girl, alone. No golden-haired man in the space beside her.

"I'm not Yo-Ou… that's exactly it. I'm worried that I'll never seem more than an impostor to Keiki. Even though she lost her way, and caused him to suffer, he has never shown me any of the kindness with which he treated her. He will always look at me and see her face instead."

Koukan whistled. "That's a lot of extra burdens for so young a set of shoulders. I don't envy you the crown. Your Highness, it's only natural that Keiki still remembers his previous empress. He did care about her a lot, all kirin are concerned for their rulers, regardless of how successfully those rulers may reign.

"But I think you underestimate the strength of Keiki's affection for you. You already know that he's not exactly the most open and verbose of souls. But have you considered that he's scared to be too kind to you? I think he fears a repeat of the disastrous effect of the kindness he bestowed upon Yo-Ou. He cares about you too much to risk losing you in such a painful manner."

"Not to mention that he probably feels a little helpless around you," added Enho thoughtfully. "You're not like Taiki and Yo-Ou, who were such helpless, fragile beings. You're strong and fierce and independent- and that puts him at a total loss. He had no idea how to approach you. He would probably feel very foolish if he tried to confess these feelings to you.

"I daresay he even misses the time when you first took the throne. You were… inexperienced-"

"You mean totally and utterly useless," she interrupted, grinning.

"-Very well, _totally and utterly useless_. And because of this, he spent a lot of time looking after you and teaching you all the things you had to know. You were very much like a child to him, as Taiki was and as Yo-Ou was in spirit. But now, Seikishi, the Red Child of Kei, has found her feet and can walk –and run recklessly too, as you're rather wont to do an alarming amount of the time- and he feels suddenly lost, and not needed any more."

"But I do need him! I know the basics now, but I still can't do without him. I don't think there'll ever be a time when I won't need him."

He nodded. "And don't ever forget that. An empress will always need her kirin. A kirin will always need his empress. But Keiki can be irrational at times, and he's brooding. It doesn't help that you aren't very open with him anyway. He probably thinks that you don't want him around."

"I see," she murmured, deep in thought. Could Keiki really be feeling awkward around her? It was so hard to read him, as pale and as calm and as stoic as the moon. It was funny to think of him as insecure, the creature by her side who always exuded such quiet strength and security.

"I'll try to get closer to him," she promised them, looking up. "But how do I do that?"

Enho and Koukan looked at each other. Koukan shrugged.

"Don't ask us," he said. "The guy's impossible."

She stared at them, then burst out in unbridled laughter.

Enho patted her shoulder again, kindly.

"That's it," he said. "Remember to let yourself laugh. You shouldn't let yourself become so weighed down with troubles. You shouldn't let your frustration flow over to Keiki either- he's so serious, he'll take all your retributions to heart. Be light-hearted and kind to him, and eventually he'll thaw and do the same to you. "

"And well done on the confiding thing," Koukan chimed in. "Just do it to Keiki next time, not us!"

She beamed at them. "Both of you, thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Koukan actually blushed a little. "Just doing our jobs," he muttered.

"Empress!" someone shouted.

Youko spun away from the pond. "General Kantai?" she said, recognising the figure running across the gardens.

He leapt up into the pavilion, looking decidedly out of place beside the delicate jasmine trellises.

"Empress Youko," he said urgently, looking her straight in the eye. "Another youma attack, in Ki Province. Kochou. Several of them."

"More than one?" she said, eyes wide with alarm. "They're swarming now?"

"This is very bad," muttered Koukan. "If they're coming in groups, Kou must be truly overrun. And if Kou is infested, it's only a matter of time until they all start crossing into Kei."

"Do we have any soldiers in Ki Province? Any sky-riders?" Youko asked her general.

He shook his head. "None who are experienced enough. The nearest army division is currently stationed in the far west of Sei Province, where the last attack was. It would take just as long to dispatch some of your sky-riders from the palace barracks – anyway, if we send regular foot soldiers against a flock of kochou, they'll get massacred."

"Do it then. A small, fast group of your most experienced fighters." She paused. "Kantai- only the ones who can really hold their own. I don't want to needlessly send men to their deaths."

_The death toll rises. We have not yet set out, and still I can feel it rising._

"One more thing." She drew a deep breath. "I'm coming with you."

All three men spluttered. "Empress! No!"

She ignored them. "Without any false modesty, I am one of the best fighters we have. Or rather, my _hinman_ Jouyuu is. I've fought all sorts of youma, remember. I lasted for months on my own in the wilderness, attacked by youma every day. I'm not going to get myself killed, and I'm certainly not going to send men to their graves needlessly when I can go and defend the borders myself."

"Youko," said Enho sternly. "You can't put yourself in danger like this. Kei needs you safe on the throne, so you can rule securely and bring happiness to the country. Your soldiers know what they're doing, and they consider it an honour to fight for you. Death defending the country is one of the most admirable-"

"There's nothing admirable about letting people die for me when I can defend myself," she interrupted coolly. "I'm going, and that's that."

"Empress-" Kantai protested..

She turned on him. "Kantai, we fought side by side in the Wa rebellion. You know I can take care of myself. You've seen it with your own eyes."

"You weren't my Empress then," he replied weakly.

She grinned at him. "Hey, I'm the fierce dauntless Sekishi, remember? I have a reputation to uphold. What kind of warrior queen would I be if I couldn't tackle a couple of kochou? Now get me my sword and the fastest _suguu _we've got!"

He nodded miserably and loped off across the lawn.

Youko turned to her advisors. "Don't give me that look," she warned. "I know what I'm doing."

Enho sighed. "Just don't get yourself killed," he said wearily. "I'm too old to start training up another emperor."

She grinned and sprinted off towards her rooms to put her armour on.

Koukan and Enho watched her go, her hair falling out of its pins and streaming like a banner behind her.

"So," said Koukan. "Who's going to be the one to tell Keiki that his empress just went haring off to engage in a death-match with a flock of ravenous wild demons?"

* * *

**A/N Sorry! Couldn't resist :)**

**The real meat of the story will be a bit later in coming, but there is a plot, I swear. '';**

**And now that I have cunningly diverted you to the bottom of the page - oh my! What is that thing to the left? Could it be... a review button?**

**-Indy**


	3. Fire and Ice

**A/N I've tried to make this as canon-compliant as possible, but given the sheer amount of stuff referred to in the series, it's hard. If anyone spots a factual mistake or a misspelling, could you please let me know so I can fix it? Thanks!**

**-Indy**

**Theme - When A Woman Learns To Walk, She's Not Dependant Anymore (24 May 08) **

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**Fire and Ice**

Youko leant over the neck of her _suguu_, squinting towards the horizon. Through the creeping nervous anticipation, she felt a warm pleasure at how the land was noticeably getting greener. Every year, they harvested a little more. Every year, they remembered how to laugh a little more genuinely. Maybe Keiki was right. Maybe it really was time for a celebration.

She sifted restlessly on her mount's back. It was one of the imperial stable's finest animals, swift as the sea wind and as tireless as the tide, but she missed the feeling of Hankyo's fur beneath her fingers. Its absence was a worrying reminder that today she couldn't rely on protection from any of Keiki's powerful _shirei_. She was on her own.

She looked around and grinned. Well, not exactly on her own. She had a number of the country's bravest fighters with her. Kantai himself rode by her side, a large and comforting presence. Her old friend Koshou had her back, and he would rather die than let anything happen to her on his watch.

She knew the other soldiers by face and name. Good men all, who were deadly with a blade and respected their empress enough not to waste time guarding her and let her get her business done.

She felt her stomach twist as she sighted several dark blotches against the early evening sky.

Kantai spotted them too, and began roaring orders to the men. The air filled with the sharp ringing of drawn steel, the men hunched forwards over their mounts, urging them forwards.

Youko drew her own sword, tightening her fingers around the familiar weight. It was funny how reassuring a pointy bit of metal could be.

"Ready, Jouyuu?" she murmured softly.

_Ready_, he confirmed. _I will keep you safe_.

"Then let's get this over with." She raised Suiguutou above her head and gave a piercing war cry to lend strength to her men. They answered her heartily, a wall of sound that cascaded over her shoulders and made her feel a little safer. Or at least, as safe as one can be when bearing down on a group of giant flesh-eating birds.

"Good luck, Youko!" yelled Kantai from her right. She turned to see his grinning face and shouted the well-wishes back to him.

Then the kochou were upon them.

Youko felt Jouyuu take control of her body with the familiar silken ease. She swooped down to rake the edge of her sword across the neck of a kochou, dodging the following spurt of dark blood and watching the bird tumble to earth with a deafening wail. Another came at her from behind. She swerved just in time, the razor-sharp beak skimming past her left ear. The kochou turned to come back at her, but shuddered and jerked as an arrow suddenly bloomed from one eye. As it flailed in its death throes, one huge talon clouted her shoulders. Her eyes filled with starbursts and she struggled to keep upright, the blood roaring in her ears.

"Keep your guard up, Empress!" shouted one of her men cheekily. He harried the bird from the other side, giving her a precious few moments to recover herself. She flashed him a grateful grin and took advantage of the youma's distraction. With two strong slashes, she severed the sinew and bone of the thing's neck and sent the head crashing to the ground below.

"Lovely, Jouyuu," she muttered, flinging the gore from her blade.

She looped back to the others, helping Kantai to hack the wings from another bird. It gave an ear-piercing howl as it started to fall from the air. The soldiers peppered it with arrows, and it was dead before it met the ground with a sickening crunch.

They mopped up the others smoothly, working as a team, guarding each other's backs. Kantai was relentless, always in the thick of the action, calling out orders and moving his suguu as though they were one. He even forgot that he wasn't supposed to order Youko around. She bit the inside of her lip in amusement and followed his directions, tucking the moment away to tease him with later.

As the sun set, they landed a little way away from the battle site, now strewn with black feathers, dark blood and hulking corpses.

"What's the damage?" Youko asked, leading her mount over to Kantai.

He straightened from his position at the side of a wounded man. "He's got a nasty slash, but it'll heal good as new given a little time. A couple of the others got scratched too, but we'll bandage them up and they'll be fine until we get back home. No fatalities, nothing life-threatening. We were very lucky today."

Youko punched his shoulder lightly. "Huh. You call that luck? I call it great leadership."

"Empress, ah…" he squirmed a little with pleased embarrassment.

Youko knelt next to the wounded man, peeling away his blood-soaked clothes from his skin. There was a long, ugly gash across his shoulder, painfully deep. She winced in sympathy.

"We need to get you back," she told the soldier, who looked faintly awed at being tended to by the empress herself. This would be a story to tell to his family when they got back to Gyouten. "Hold onto this for now. It'll give you the strength to fly back." She pulled the blue gem from her scabbard and hung it around his neck. His eyes widened as _Hekisouju _relieved him of the worst of the pain. He straightened.

"Empress… Thank you." He touched the imperial treasure reverently.

She smiled at him, beginning to feel the strain of the battle now that Jouyuu had left her. "Thank you for defending Kei so valiantly," she replied formally. "Thank you, everyone," she called out to the rest of them. "For everything you've done here. I, and the whole of Kei are grateful."

"Seikishi!" someone cheered. "General Kantai!"

"A warm bath!" someone else yelled out, and the group dissolved into laughter. Youko got to her feet. The silliness, she knew, was born out of relief that they weren't digging graves for each other. Now that the exhilaration of battle had faded, they were all very tired, and just wanted to go home. War stories would be told to comrades, admiring slaps on the back would be given out, pretty young girls would _ooh _and _ahh_ wide-eyed over battle scars. All would be at peace with the world.

But for Youko, the battle wasn't over quite yet.

"Come on," she said to Kantai as they heaved the wounded man into his saddle. "Let's go home."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You don't look very happy for someone who just won a glorious fight against a horde of youma."

She swung herself up onto her _suguu_'s back. "Now the real trouble begins," she sighed. "When we get back I have to face Keiki."

He gave an unholy laugh and mounted his own flying horse. "You brought this on yourself, Warrior Queen," he said to her, then called out to his soldiers. "Good work, everyone! Now let's go home."

* * *

He was waiting for her when they got back. She could feel his eyes on her as soon as they came into view of the landing platform.

The men around her noticed the tangible tension in the air, and uneasily bid her goodnight to go and land over to the side. Kantai shot her a sympathetic look before following his men.

Her _suguu_ swooped in for a smooth landing, trotting a few paces before coming to a stop. Out of the corner of her eye, Youko saw a groom come running towards her. Right in the centre of her vision, she could see a pair of black shoes.

"Shu-jou." His voice was unusually hard. She finally looked up and saw his eyes were dark.

"Keiki," she said quietly.

His lip curled in disgust. "You smell of blood."

"Funny, that," she replied wearily, dismounting and handing the _suguu_'s reins to the groom.

His hands were curled into fists at his side. She looked up at his face and sighed. _So much for getting closer to him._

"Keiki, can we have this argument later?" she said, aching with tiredness all the way down to her bones. "Let me at least have a bath first so I'm not so repellent to you."

His eyes flashed. "Shu-jou…"

"Please."

He sighed, and swept his eyes up and down her body, taking in every spot of dried blood on her armour. "You are unhurt?"

"I'm fine. Just tired."

He nodded stiffly. "I will talk to you later. I have work to do but I will wait for you in my rooms."

Youko nodded back, lurching sorely towards the palace. After the initial adrenaline rush had faded, she had discovered herself to be a mass of bruises and scrapes. She longed to take off her sweat-sticky clothes and sink into her bath.

She heard his quiet footsteps follow her as she stumbled forwards, head drooping. He trailed her at a distance, probably making sure that she arrived at her rooms without collapsing. As she paused before the doors that lead to her private imperial quarters, she saw him stand still, watching her, from the corner of her eye. But as she turned to look back, he was gone in a swirl of robes and pale hair.

Gyoukuyou's eyes turned into two pools of abject horror when she saw her mistress standing bloodstained and exhausted on the ornamental tiles. Before Youko could draw breath to speak, the handmaid had started to herd her towards the giant bathtub built into the floor of one of her rooms.

The bathtub was more like a small pond, heated by small furnaces underneath the floor. It occupied a hall all by itself. Her handmaidens had already poured in a sultry concoction of flower and spice essences that smelled so good it awoke Youko's stomach with a rumble that even they heard. One of the girls giggled and dashed off to find the empress some late supper.

The handmaidens peeled off her sweat-glued clothes, hissing with sympathy at the livid bruise wrapped around her shoulder and collarbone where the kochou had whacked her with one claw. Youko gave none of her usual complaints about being fussed over, content to slouch against the wall of the pool with a blissful sigh and closed eyes.

"I believe I love this bath," she murmured. "It was worth becoming empress just for this bath."

The handmaidens giggled and began to wash her hair, combing some floral unguent through it to make it soft and shiny. Youko soaked the dirt and grime out of her system, feeling her muscles unknot and her stress melt away.

She raised her head out of the water as she heard a commotion from outside the room.

"The Empress has had a very hard day!" she heard Gyoukuyou chiding. "She needs her rest, not visitors at this late hour-"

"We have to see her!" came a youthful protest. Youko couldn't help a smile as she recognised the speaker.

"It's OK, Gyoukuyou!" she called out. "They can come in!"

She crossed her arms on the rim of the pool and leaned forwards to watch Shoukei and Suzu walk in, closely followed by a tutting Gyoukuyou.

"Sorry for barging in-" began Suzu, before she was interrupted by the blue-haired girl next to her.

"Youko!" cried Shoukei, ever the verbal one. "How could you rush off like that? We were so worried!"

"I can take care of myself, you know," she pointed out. One of the handmaidens completely ruined her point by picking up her hand and beginning to scrub underneath the nails.

"Look," she said hastily, as Shoukei started to argue again. "I know. You don't have to tell me off. I'm going to get it all from Keiki anyway."

The girls exchanged glances.

"How did Keiki take it?" asked Youko, her heart sinking.

"Not well," admitted Suzu. "He just strode around the palace all afternoon with a face like stone. Well," she amended, "even more like stone than usual."

Youko winced.

"You deserve everything he gives you," said Shoukei darkly. "Just jaunting off like that to go and battle youma. Don't you realise that's what your soldiers are for?"

"It sounds cruel," said Suzu, "but you're a lot more important than a group of soldiers. You have the entire balance of Kei's future resting on your shoulders. This country deserves a good empress after all it's been through. Don't get yourself killed and cheat Kei out of a _meikun_."

Youko heaved a pointed groan. Shoukei laughed and sat down on a marble bench. "Enough nagging," she said. "Let's get down to the really important stuff. What are you wearing to the celebrations in two days?"

"I don't know," said Youko lazily. "Ask Gyoukuyou."

"Youko!" she cried, shocked.

"Your Majesty!" scolded Gyoukuyou. "You really should care more about your appearance. Such a pretty young empress shouldn't always walk around dressed as a boy."

"Even I agree," said Suzu, "You're the empress! It's expected of you to be gorgeous and finely dressed. It gives the people some pride to know that they have an attractive ruler."

Youko waved a hand. "Don't start all that 'for the good of the country' stuff again," she said tiredly. "I get that all day as it is. Besides, Gyoukuyou has impeccable taste. I'm sure she'll make me look presentable." She eyed her friends. "Let me guess. You two already have your own outfits planned."

Suzu snorted. "Are you kidding? Shoukei had hers planned out _weeks _ago."

Youko attempted a chuckle but it turned into a yawn halfway through.

"Right. That's it!" announced Gyoukuyou. "Out! The Empress is tired and she still has to go see the Taiho before she can get some rest! You can talk to her tomorrow! Out!"

She shooed the protesting girls out like a mother hen, flapping her hands. Youko reluctantly dragged herself out of the heavenly water, wrapping herself in a towel and sitting down at the little table one of the servants brought in.

She ate her dinner while her handmaidens brushed her wet hair out, tying it up out of the way with handfuls of dark green ribbons. She let them do it, finding their innocent chatter strangely comforting. Gyoukuyou dressed her in simple robes of white and pale green, tied with a sash that matched the ribbons in her hair.

Eventually, though, she knew she couldn't put off seeing Keiki any longer. She left Gyoukuyou with a promise to return and go to bed soon, and set off on the short walk to his rooms.

* * *

He felt her coming, as he always did. He opened the door before she could knock on it, and stood looking down at her with cold purple eyes.

"Keiki…"

He stood aside to let her in. She slowly walked over to the window so she wouldn't have to look him in the face. She stared out at the dark, moon-washed night. The Imperial Gardens were picked out in silver and looked almost ghostly in their luminescence.

She waited for him to sigh at her, but it didn't come. Wondering if he wasn't that upset after all, she turned to look at him.

The intensity of his glare shocked her. Keiki very rarely lost his temper with her, but when he did, he was harsher and more furious than a midwinter storm.

"How could you be so foolish?" he shouted at her, arms folded in front of his chest, his feet planted in a way that suggested that he wasn't going anywhere soon and neither was she.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed? Is this how you are going to repay those who have spent so much work and blood and sacrifice on you, by dying such a pointless and gainless death? Don't you realise how much is riding on you?" He stopped, pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply. When he spoke again, his voice was a little calmer, but just as unforgiving.

"The country of Kei," he said, beginning to pace across the room in the way she knew from past experience, "has not suffered and toiled for so many years in order that the one time they receive an empress who might actually raise them from their grief and poverty, they lose her in one of her stupid hero stunts. You owe your country more than that."

"What do you think I was doing?" she retorted, feeling her composure slip, "_playing_ with the youma? I went to fight them for _the good of Kei_, so that my people wouldn't have to die-"

"How much_ good_ would it have done Kei if you had died out there?"

"I knew what I was doing! How much harm can befall me when I have Jouyuu?"

"Jouyuu cannot protect you from everything!"

"No, but I have soldiers to guard my back-"

"What if they had died out there, and you were left to fight the kochou on your own? Even with Jouyuu, you're no match for a whole flock of hungry youma!"

"What was I supposed to do? Just sit at home in my pretty clothes and palace and let other people die for me?"

"Yes!" he roared, "You are! Because you're too important to Kei!"

"I-"

He cut her off with an angry wave of his hand. "I have no doubt that you have already been chastised by the others," he said through gritted teeth, "about how vital you are to Kei, and if you haven't listened to them, you are certainly not going to listen to me. So think about this. Do you have any idea what it is like to sit in an empty room all day, waiting for the sudden, instinctive blow to the heart that means your empress is dead? Do you know how it feels to have to run a kingdom all day, all the while half-expecting to be brought your master's corpse that evening? Do you?"

She was stunned. Quietly she said, "Keiki…"

"Have you ever thought of _your_ worth to everyone in this palace? Of the pain it would cause if _you_, as a person, were to be taken from those who have watched over you and prayed for you and hoped for you? The suffering you would cause your friends Suzu and Shoukei, the loss for Enho and Koukan of such bright potential…" he took a shaky breath. "And the devastation of losing another 'other half'? Do you know what that would do to me?"

"Keiki…" she whispered.

"Or don't you care?" he demanded. "Despite everything you have achieved, you are still this…this _Sekishi_, this child, this selfish, short-sighted child who has no idea of the consequences of her actions. You can barely walk on your own, yet you insist on gambling your life and the future of Kei on such small things-"

She stood suddenly, trembling with rage. "Don't you dare imply that I don't care about anything but myself," she spat. "How would you know? You don't even know me!"

"I know-"

"What? What do you know? What is it about me that you know, that makes me so unworthy to you?"

He faltered, obviously taken aback. Before he could reply she was already off, unable to stop the words that had stagnated inside her so long, growing from simply melancholy to bitter and poisonous.

"What is there about me that you find so terrible that you treat me worse than you did Yo-Ou, who almost killed you?" she cried, her eyes beginning to grow hot from the beginning prickling of tears. "Every time you look at me, I can see you're disappointed with me! I can see you comparing me to her, and finding me wanting! I know I'm a bad empress, Keiki, but at least I try! I try every day! But I'm still _useless_ to you, no matter what I do. So don't give me any of that crap about how _precious_ I am."

The last word caught on her gasp of breath as she tried to stop herself from crying. She couldn't cry, not here, not now, not in front of _him_. She let her speech hang in the air, eyes wide, nails digging into her clenched fists and her chest heaving from trying to control herself.

Keiki started towards her, one hand nervously outstretched.

"Shu-jou…"

"Leave me alone, Keiki," she said, brushing past him. "Just go away and leave me alone."

He caught the crook of her elbow as she passed him. She started to yank it free, but he put his hand on her shoulder, and when she looked up at him, his eyes were violet again and full of more pain than she had ever seen in one person before. In one sudden rush, all the anger drained out of her. She looked up at him, very conscious of how close he was to her, and how warm his hand was on the tender skin of her inner arm.

"If I tried to explain to you-" he started, and frowned. He sighed and closed his eyes. "You know- you must know- that I am not good with saying what I really mean." He explained softly. "I…" He sighed again and gave up.

"Keiki?"

Without looking at her, he continued.

"Suffice to say that you worried me today. You didn't even give me a chance to send Hankyo with you to make sure you were protected.

"I'm disturbed, too, by your conviction that you mean so little to me. You are my Empress. Your life is the most precious to me out of all the lives in the world."

Her head drooped. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I lost my temper. Forgive me."

"It is I who should be asking for forgiveness," he replied, tightening his grip on her slightly. "A kirin is supposed to be an endless source of mercy and support for their ruler. I was neither to you tonight."

He paused. "As for your words about Yo-Ou…"

She pulled away from him slightly. "Don't. It's OK. It's painful for you. I get it."

He tried to pull her back, "Shu-jou…"

Unwittingly, he took hold of her badly bruised shoulder. Youko yelped and cowered as a jolt of pain shot through her. Keiki's hands sprung open and he leaned towards her, looking panicked. "Shu-jou! You're hurt!"

"I'm fine," she hissed unconvincingly through her teeth.

He held his hands out towards her, looking unsure of what he should do. "Are you all right? Should I get a doctor? Do you want-"

"Keiki," she interrupted him, her weariness evident in her voice. "I'll be fine. I just want to go to bed."

He stared at her a moment more, and nodded, looking defeated.

"If you're sure…"

"I'm sure." With considerable effort, she managed a rueful smile. "Goodnight, Keiki."

As she left, she heard his quiet voice follow her, filled with a tangled and incomprehensible mix of emotions.

"Goodnight, Shu-jou."

* * *

Keiki stood by the window she had vacated, looking out at the moon-frosted gardens.

He closed his eyes and recalled her lingering image. Still rosy-cheeked from her bath, a few dark tendrils of wet hair escaping from the ribbons to fall around her face. The scent of blood was still there, but mostly masked by the scent of perfume and flowers, and the light, fresh, bright-fragranced-summer-wind smell that was Youko alone. By tomorrow morning, the taint of the blood would be gone from her.

He flinched as he recalled their conversation. What a mess he'd made of it. But still, she was alive. She was alive, and she didn't quite hate him. For now, that was enough.

The palace always seemed so very empty without her. The corridors grew long and dark, and he could hear his footsteps, just one set of footsteps, echoing through the still air. There was no chance that he'd hear her clear voice calling after him, no chance of seeing a flicker of scarlet hair disappearing around a corner as she ran in her weightless carefree strides, no chance of snatching a handful of her laughter as she talked with Shoukei and Suzu, those lucky few she shared her heart with.

He thought of the first woman, his first empress. His hopeless, kind, useless empress. At least she was at peace now, although the regret still bubbled up at the thought of her.

At first, he had thought that the two of them were remarkably similar. But now…

He let his thoughts turn once again to his new empress. His Sekishi, his bloodstained, battle-weary beautiful Red Child. She was as simultaneously as fierce and as bright and as warm as a slender candleflame. But like a candleflame, so easily snuffed out. She drove him out of his mind with worry, but one smile from her would never fail to put his heart at ease.

He could feel, deep inside, where she was, like turning his face towards a hidden source of heat. She stood on the terrace outside her rooms. He hoped she would go to bed soon, to give her wounded shoulder a chance to heal. He hated the thought of her in pain.

Just as he knew where she was, he knew where she wasn't. There was a roaringly empty space beside him. Without her, he wasn't whole. _My other half_.

He'd never been the type to pour his heart out. Neither was his empress. This led to them dancing around each other, never quite admitting anything, always at a safe distance. It didn't help that he could never find the appropriate words to say. Everything he said always ended up sounding too stern or disappointed, even when he was trying to compliment her. She was also a very complex young woman. She was more open with her emotions, but anyone who glanced into those emerald-coloured eyes would see the sparkle of all those unvoiced thoughts going through her mind. He would love to be able to read those thoughts, sometimes. But all that he could do right now was to guard her, watch her from the shadows like he had done that afternoon before she caught him at it, staring at her because she was so hard to look away from. He'd wanted so much to tell her right then, in a burst of sun-dazzled emotion, that he thought she was growing into a fine empress and that she didn't have to worry herself so much. But as always, he hadn't been able to find the words. It was too embarrassing to bare his heart in such a manner, and the words would have ended up insufficient and warped. They always did, and he could hear how harsh they sounded. There would be no praise easily wrested from him.

He pushed her hard, but could she not see that it was for her own good? She had so much potential, such insight and compassion. She could truly become a _meikun_, a wise and beloved empress in time.

And what would become of him? After Jokaku's death he had put on his porcelain armour, his stoic face and impenetrable solemnity. But she, _she_, with only her laugh and her brilliance, she was calmly and relentlessly breaking down those barriers around him. It touched and frightened him, what would happen when they fell.

She was too precious to lose. His heart had stopped when the news had reached him that afternoon. All the thoughts that had crossed his mind. But she was back now, back and safe and he could breathe easy again.

It made him think, though, how blessed Kei was to have her watching over it. And Keiki, watching over her, if something happened to her- Even if the ruler who followed after was the best and most benevolent monarch ever to ascend a throne, Keiki would still feel her loss, like the loss of the sun. His Sun-Child.

Tomorrow she would act as though this argument had never taken place. She would be as unruly and as irrepressible as always.

"What fools we are, both of us," he murmured, and smiled.

"Happy anniversary, my Sekishi."


	4. Hotaru

**A/N What is it about posting stories that turns me into a quivering pile of vegetarian jelly? As soon as I've uploaded a new chapter, all my careful editing and quadruple-checking goes out the window, and mistakes appear EVERYWHERE. This very story has only been up for five minutes and I've already changed it half a dozen times. I was able to bear it in stoic silence for a while, but then I ran out of Curly Wurlies. **

**It drives me insane. (uh- the mistakes, not the lack of Curly Wurlies, though that in itself is a tragedy)**

**Like just now:  
Helpful Person:** I'm back from my night on the town. Huh? You're still typing at this hour? Well, I brought you some chips! XD  
**Indy:** …  
**HP:** Uh, you OK?  
**Indy:** leave me here to _die_.  
**HP** (concerned)Well, will you eat some chips first?  
**Indy:….**Yes. Yes I will. But then I'm going to have to kill myself with this amusing novelty alarm clock for the honour of my family.  
**HP:** Oh dear. She's writing fanfiction again.

**I swear there's some FF webgoblin that exists for the sole purpose of sprinkling mistakes into my stories, thnking, "Heh heh heh, there's that perfectionist freak Indy again! I'll just sprinkle in some typos while she's eating her traditional British chips with extra salt and vinegar! Serves her right for not thinking of her sodium intake!"**

**Eh- just kidding, FF people! Love ya really! (group hug) What would I do without you guys? Study? Hah!**

**Please excuse my incessant warbling. On with the show!**

**Theme: You Will Excuse Me if I Skip The Masquerade (25 May 08)**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**Hotaru**

She was a mass of pain the next morning. The kochou had put up a good fight, and they'd beaten her thoroughly from head to toe; although thanks to _Hekisouju _the bruises were already fading into a sickly yellow-green colour. She wore the stone underneath her robes as she sat through the morning ministerial meeting, glad that Gyoukuyou had let her get away without a heavy headdress. It had been hard enough trying to climb the stairs up to the throne, gritting her teeth and making Keiki jump every time she squeaked.

Keiki, at least, was back to his usual stoic demeanour, apart from starting like a nervous deer every time she flinched, which was often. He'd even left off the tortuous-looking black robes in favour of an ice-blue set, although she couldn't fathom why he'd decided to shun the black now of all times.

Since the next day would be completely given over to a national holiday in honour of six years of (mostly) peaceful rule, the assembly of ministers was trying to fit in everything than needed to be sorted out into one morning. Everyone else in the room looked as bored as she was.

It wasn't even noon yet, and already the throne room felt close and humid. She waved her silk fan ineffectively, wincing as her shoulder muscles twinged. Underneath one trailing grey sleeve, her fingers tapped the armrest of her throne until Keiki gave a soft but pointed cough behind her.

A messenger stepped through the doors at the far end of the hall, scurrying over to whisper in Koukan's ear. He approached her after she nodded permission, climbing the first few steps to the throne in order to speak to her personally.

"Your Majesty, the Royal En and En Taiho have arrived, along with the Royal Tai and Tai Taiho."

"Great timing," she muttered from behind her fan, then spoke to the whole assembly. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it seems our distinguished guests from abroad have just arrived. I believe all matters of pressing importance have been resolved, so I call this assembly to a close."

Before anyone could protest, she was up and sweeping down the stairs with only the occasional wince. As she passed them, the ministers made some valiant but unsuccessful attempts to hide the relief on their faces.

"Shu-jou!" said Keiki from behind her shoulder. "You shouldn't have cut the assembly short like that. There were still some matters-"

"Keiki, you know as well as I do that all the really important things are always presented first, and we resolved all the vital matters half an hour ago. Everything that's left won't hurt from waiting a day or two."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is?"

"As Empress, you must be seen to consider and perform your duties with the utmost focus and dedication."

"Keiki, I've sorted out everything pressing. No one will suffer if we leave a couple of little things for the moment."

"Shu-jou…"

"And isn't getting along with other countries part of my Imperial duties? It's not exactly respectful to En and Tai if I keep them waiting when they've come here on my behalf."

Keiki sighed.

Youko pushed open the doors to the guest house and stepped inside, smiling.

"Nakajima-san!" said Taiki, leaping out of his seat and bowing gracefully, looking very fresh and elegant in his formal robes. His mane shone like black satin, now that it had grown out of the painfully short cut he'd had when they had brought him back from Hourai.

"Takasato-kun," she said equally eagerly, returning the bow. "And En-Ou and En-Taiho, konnichiwa! Oh, and Tai-Ou, also, welcome. It's good to see you all again."

"You too, Youko," said Enki from his perch on the windowsill. "You look great today. Letting your handmaidens win for once?"

Youko smoothed down her robes, misty grey embroidered with swirling clouds and water-dragons in shades of blue and silver. Her hair was half-up in its usual tumble of red, ornamented with long silver and onyx hair sticks and garlands of pearls.

"I have some very persuasive servants," she grinned, taking a seat around their table. "Not to mention a persistent kirin. Right, Keiki?"

He muttered something inaudible and sat down next to her.

"Oh, that reminds me," said Taiki, picking up a large box and crossing over to her. He bowed slightly as he handed it over to her. "I brought you a gift, to celebrate your sixth successful year as Empress, and the way Kei is starting to blossom."

"_Arigato gozaimasu_. You didn't need to," she said, touched. She took the box from him, the hand-painted paper smooth beneath her fingers.

"No, but I wanted to," he said, smiling. "You brought me home."

Suspecting her eyes were getting suspiciously bright, Youko simply nodded and smiled back.

"Aww, dammit, Taiki," said Shouryuu, "There you go again, making us look bad. We didn't bring you anything, Youko. Only the pleasure of our company."

She inclined her head in his direction. "En-Ou, I will always be in debt to you anyway. You saved me, when I had nothing." She blinked very quickly, determined to not get all mushy like some heroine out of a bad romance novel. She looked at them all, her four guests plus her own serene other half, all around this table. She thought back to the early days of her reign, how utterly alone she had been. How fortunate she was, to have her friends and allies, both in this room and out of it.

"Go on, open it," said Gyousou, tall and regal in the corner, simply- but well-dressed in black. "Kouri chose them himself. They're from Tai's greatest craftsman."

Youko slid the lid from the box and blinked again, then burst out into a smile. "Wow. They're beautiful. Thank you."

"Finest Tai smoke crystal!" Taiki announced proudly. "I thought they'd look good with your hair."

It was a jewellery set, the box divided up into four segments. The biggest was full of dark, silvery-black-grey beads, a necklace that would loop several times around her throat. There were also long, thin hair sticks, each made out of a single piece of crystal. There were several pairs of gorgeously carved earrings, and finally a pile of glinting hair charms carved like little fish, each unique, each sparkling as though coated with real scales. The craftsmanship was so good that the fins were almost transparent with their delicate slenderness.

"Do you like them?"

"They're perfect," she replied honestly.

"I thought the palace jewellery might be too fussy for you, and that these would suit you better," he explained, then grinned. "And also that such an attractive lady should dress like a girl occasionally!"

"Kouri!" said Gyousou, shocked.

"Taiki!" Keiki joined in, his calm mask slipping to reveal the worried elder-brother role beneath. "You can't talk to empresses like that!"

Youko just laughed. "I guess you're right. Maybe I should be more feminine when there isn't any excitement or rebellions going on."

"Talking of excitement," interjected Shouryuu, leaning intently across the table. "What's this I heard about you jaunting off to go and battle youma last night?"

She felt Keiki stiffen next to her.

"There wasn't any time," she argued, "and we're desperately short of good soldiers, most of the army is made up out of street fighters with no experience battling youma. So I had to go, to preserve civilian lives." She poised herself for the next comment, ready to defend her decision.

"Fair enough," shrugged Shouryuu, and she deflated. _Oh_.

"Sometimes the heat of the moment leaves you no choice but to act quickly, and get your hands dirty. I've been known to fight off youma myself. Do you remember when we first met?"

"How could I forget?" she said dryly.

Gyousou leaned towards her.

"How many youma, exactly?" He inquired, looking interested.

Youko was surprised until she remembered that his was a military court. "There were about ten, if I remember correctly. But my men took care of them," she added with a fierce note of pride, "and there were no serious injuries."

Gyousou nodded. "I'm sorry you still have to worry about youma, in this time of peace for Kei."

"How are things in Tai?" she asked, remembering that Tai had been plagued with youma before the Emperor and kirin were restored.

He grimaced. "Still more youma than I'm comfortable with. They keep attacking the ships crossing the Kyokai between Tai and the mainland, so our trade links are taking a hit. It's harder to get to the youma over the water, we have to keep going back for provisions and rest. Nevertheless, we're chipping away at their numbers, and we'll have everything under control before too long."

"That's good to hear. I'm sorry for your troubles."

He nodded, looking solemn and stately, a man born to rule and command respect. Youko eyed the monarchs in the room and sighed inwardly, wishing she had an ounce of their presence.

Shouryuu broke through her thoughts. "Rebuilding a kingdom in tatters is always a slow process, but at least both Kei and Tai are on their feet again, and doing well. I have to admit it's a relief to Enki and I that our neighbours are flourishing, especially now that Ryuu is breathing her last."

"Is the situation really that bad?"

He nodded. "I have a feeling your idea of international aid will soon be put to the test, Youko. I've been talking to Ryuu-Ou, and I believe there is nothing more I can do. There are already rumours of Ryuuki being struck by the _shitsudou_."

Every ruler in the room shuddered and shot a quick glance at their own kirin, as though to reassure themselves that he hadn't disappeared. Keiki met his Empress's gaze and his lips tightened into a small half-smile. He nodded slightly as if to say, _don't worry, I'm still here._

Youko had only seen the effects of the losing-of-the-way sickness once, but the late Kourin's scarred and disease-bruised face was still indelibly etched into her memory. She couldn't imagine anything more horrible, especially when inflicted on a kirin, a creature incapable of anything but mercy and compassion. She snuck another quick glance at Keiki. He never spoke of it, but she knew his own affliction with _shitsudou_ had left a deep scar on him. Even at the mention of it, his eyes had tightened.

"Times like these, a country – an emperor's reign- seems so very fragile," she remarked quietly, aware of the rustling of silk as everyone turned to look at her. "Is it really that easy to lose one's way?"

Shouryuu and Enki glanced at each other. "Well," Shouryuu began, I've never lost the way myself –"

"There were times when you came close," muttered Enki into his teacup.

"- never myself, and neither has anyone else in this room, but I've seen quite a few countries rise and fall in my time, so I feel fairly well qualified to comment on the subject."

He leaned back, one hand held up to show he was thinking. Youko caught a glimpse of pain on her kirin's face and mentally kicked herself._ Neither has anyone else in this room_, no, but one person present had witnessed the losing-of-the-way of their empress, and she'd just thoughtlessly brought up the old suffering again. She sighed silently, realising with a jolt that she nowadays she sighed more than Keiki did.

She didn't have any time to mull over her thoughts because Shouryuu started voicing his opinions.

"I don't think anyone purposely _tries_ to destroy their country," he said, looking thoughtful, "but it's a heavy burden, and not everyone is able to shoulder it. Many rulers become depressed and simply let their kingdom fall. Others become drunk on power, or forget that they are accountable to Tentei. And sometimes it's just a case that an Emperor can't ever please everyone, and he ends up being killed by some unsatisfied faction." He roused himself from his mind. "But why are we talking about such depressing things out of our control? This is meant to be a celebration!"

Enki peered out of the window. "Don't worry, Naotaka," he grinned wickedly, "I have a feeling that things are about to liven up a little."

They all shot curious looks at him. Youko got up from her chair and stood by the window, aware of Keiki behind her shoulder. She took in the view below.

"Ah," she said in comprehension, smiling.

"What?" said Shouryuu suspiciously, "What's going on?"

"The Emperor of Han and his kirin are here," announced Enki, his grin widening at the faint splutter from his master.

Keiki squinted from over her shoulder. "How do you know?" he asked, perplexed "I can't see them."

Youko laughed, pointing at a line of scurrying servants. "Look. He's already started to rearrange my furniture."

She turned around and caught a faint look of amusement on Keiki's face as he watched her servants run across the impeccably manicured gardens while clutching scrolls of calligraphy and arrangements of fresh fruit. They always took it personally that Han-Ou found the palace décor so wanting, to the point where only Shoukei would agree to wait on him.

"You didn't tell me that -" started Shouryuu, before the door burst open to reveal two gorgeously attired figures and one scandalised maid.

"Youko!" announced the Royal Han, sweeping forwards, resplendent in black and red. Hanrin followed him, all in white and looking prettier than ever. "You look quite presentable today. Congratulations, I was beginning to believe that you had no taste. It's a relief to find otherwise."

"Happy anniversary, by the way," Hanrin added, hands folded elegantly before her _obi_ embroidered in silver and gold.

"Welcome to Kinpa palace, Han-Ou, Han-Taiho," Youko answered, bowing and biting her lip to prevent herself from giggling. "I'm honoured that you made the long journey here."

Han-Ou waved a silver-lined sleeve to dismiss her formalities. "Youko, please. We're old friends. We were glad to attend. Ah! Taiki! May I remark on how handsome you are growing? Now that you are older you simply must come and visit me sometime. I know _exactly_ how to dress you in order to show off that beautiful hair."

Taiki bowed hurriedly and shifted ever so slightly behind his master, eyes wide.

"And Tai-Ou, a pleasure to meet you again. We must talk shop some time today, I have great plans for your gemstone fountains."

Han-Ou turned in a flutter of exquisite robes, the sunlight glittering from the silver combs in his hair. "And look who we have here!" he exclaimed. "Shouryuu, you heathen! As uncivilised as ever, I see. I must admit that I was hoping that an attractive female neighbour would charm you into showing a little refinement, but alas."

"Han-Ou," growled Shouryuu, bowing with the very minimum of respect. "and what name is your pet going by this week?"

"My name is Ranglin," she announced haughtily, "although my master is going off that a little, so it'll probably be Ayameko by tomorrow. Hi, Rokuta" she added to Enki.

"Hey, _nee-chan_. Ignore him, he's not housebroken yet."

Han-Ou turned to Youko. "Dear girl, I brought you a few _kimono_ from my personal seamstresses. Ranglin gave them to your handmaidens with a strict order to force you into them. Seeing you in men's clothing makes my heart _bleed_."

"Ah- thank you," she replied, wondering whether or not she was being insulted.

The servant, who was still hovering outside the door, cleared her throat. Youko smiled at her, silently apologising for Han-Ou's less than model etiquette.

"Empress, lunch is ready, if you would like to make your way out to the Willow Pavilion."

"Thank you. We will be there shortly. You may go." Youko turned to her motley arrangement of guests, hoping that a cup of tea in the garden would prevent imminent warfare. "Lunch, anyone?"

* * *

The Willow Pavilion, a short walk away from the guest quarters, provided some welcome shade and relief from the midday sun. The air smelled cool and green, and bright red dragonflies cruised along the surface of the pond, still as a mirror. The area was like an emerald-tinted encapsulated world, away from all the chaos of the palace.

Youko took a sip of her tea, the finest blend available. Light glimmered from the blue-patterned porcelain dishes spread across the table. The food, of course, was excellent. Her servants arranged meals like a Japanese lady arranged flowers, in a heavenly combination of scents and colours. Amongst today's offerings were perfectly cooked duck with ginger, green beans with sesame sauce, and a heaped dish of lightly fragranced jasmine rice decoratively strewn with whole flowers.

Shouryuu and Han-Ou were soon bantering again, and Hanrin was engaged in negotiations for jewel trade with Gyousou. Youko turned to the handsome young man sitting next to her, relieved for a moment of her hostess duties.

"Takasato-kun, how are you doing in Tai?" she asked.

Taiki twirled a small jasmine blossom that he'd plucked from the rice. "Well, thank you. The ministers are finally beginning to accept that although I'm young, I'm capable of advising my Emperor. But the handmaidens still baby me a little."

Youko grinned. "You can't blame them. It's your own fault for being so handsome."

He pointed the flower at her. "Don't you start as well. You have no idea what I go through every morning. The maids keep fighting over who gets to comb my hair."

"But it's pretty!" she said, playfully tugging a strand.

He shuddered. "Great. Just what a man wants to hear. I'm pretty."

"Girls love a _bishounen_." she teased, "Haven't you ever read _shoujo_ manga?"

"Why would I read _shoujo_ manga?" he said, acting offended. "Do I look like a girl to you?"

"Well…"

Youko ducked and laughed as he threw the flower at her. As Taiki stuck his tongue out at her, she caught sight of Keiki watching them across the table, looking amused but slightly wistful.

The others started to rise, sighing in contentment. Hanrin and Enki wandered off towards the little ornamental stream to stretch their legs. Taiki excused himself to go and talk to his master.

Youko followed her kirin out to the end of the pond. He stood half-hidden in the trailing canopy of a willow, feeding cake crumbs to the fish who came over to investigate. He didn't turn around, already aware that it was his empress behind him.

"Taiki is turning into a heartbreaker, huh?" she said casually, standing beside him and watching the koi circle lazily in front of their feet. "I can't believe how the skinny boy we rescued has grown up."

Keiki was silent for a moment before he answered. She couldn't see his face behind the curtains of pale hair. "Yes. He has. I remember… when I first met him, he was so small, I was afraid I might break him. His head was so big for his neck, I thought it might fall off." He turned to her, eyes slightly sad. "I'm pleased that you are friendly with him. The two of you seem very close."

"Yes, we are. I suppose that's only natural, since we're both from such an alien place."

"I think you would have been close with him even if you had not both been taika. You have similar spirits."

She looked up at him. "You miss him, don't you, Keiki?"

"We see him often."

"That's not what I meant," she shook her head. "Just because he's grown up, that doesn't mean he doesn't need you or want you any more. You'll always be his older brother. He's just not so… breakable any more."

"It's not that simple -"

"Yes it is," she playfully nudged him. "You guys are just both so stoic. You need some time together to remember why you used to be so close. Why don't you take the afternoon off and take him somewhere?"

He stared at her, frowning slightly. "Shu-jou, I can't. I'm the governor of Ei Province, I have work to attend to."

"I'll see to that."

"Shu-jou…"

"Keiki," she laid her hand on his arm, "It's all right, really. Go."

* * *

When Taiki got back from his after-dinner walk around the Palace Grounds with his Emperor, he was only moderately surprise to find a redhead perched on the railings of his bedroom terrace.

"This is beginning to be a habit with you," he said, joining her to look out at the sun setting over the sea. "Is this how you say hello to everyone, by ambushing them in their room?"

Youko smiled ruefully. "_Gomen_. I had to escape. I thought even Keiki wouldn't disturb me if he thought I was discussing business with Tai-Ou."

"That bad?"

"Just the everyday pains of being an Empress. Being driven to near-insanity by bureaucracy seems to be an occupational hazard of this job."

"Yeah, sometimes it makes Master Gyousou mad as well."

They stared out at the waves in companionable silence for a few minutes, watching the setting sun tint each wave gold, then cherry-red like hot iron.

"Do you ever miss Japan?" Taiki said suddenly, turning to her. "Really, honestly?"

"Honestly?" she looked up at him- actually up, she realised, he'd grown again- and blinked. "Yes… I suppose I do. Sometimes. But not as much as I should do. I spent so much time pining for home, when I first came here, but now I can see how small and dim my life was back there. No friends, a strict family, every day filled with nothing but stressing over schoolwork. And here I have friends, and understanding, and a purpose. I can actually _do_ something, something worthwhile." She frowned. "Sometimes I think I should miss it more. I feel a bit disloyal. But Kei is my home now, not Japan."

Taiki smiled. "I know how you feel." He put a hand on her shoulder. She'd changed out of her formal robes into her comfy clothes, a soft white blouse, loose black trousers and a red wrap-over tunic embroidered in black and pale pink flowers. Her only adornment was one of the pairs of earrings he'd given her, two little sparkling studs carved like peonies.

"I feel sometimes like the only place I could ever call home is Tai. I miss my brother and my mother sometimes, but I have Master Gyousou, and Risai. And Enki and you and Keiki."

"You know what I really miss?" Youko admitted. "Really little, inconsequential things. Like food. I really miss all of my favourite foods. Like _soba _and _odango_ and _onigiri_."

Taiki's eyes went misty. "There was the best _sushi_ place by my house. When I was a kid I used to love the way that the dishes cruised past you like they were being carried by a horde of invisible ants. And like you, _onigiri_. It's funny, I never really got excited about them in Japan, they were just comfort food. But now I really crave them."

Their eyes met.

"No," said Taiki. "Surely not. It's ridiculous."

"Technically, it is my kitchen," mused Youko, face open and bright. "and I'm already known for being on the eccentric side."

Taiki laughed as Youko grabbed his hand and towed him towards the palace kitchens. "OK, OK! Let's escape!"

* * *

"You are the strangest Empress I've ever met," said Taiki later as they sat beneath one of the willows by the Pavilion. Youko poured him some more tea from the pot she'd liberated from the palace kitchens. Her palms were still a little red and sore from the hot rice she'd moulded into the traditional rounded triangles. Her mother used to call them onigiri-hands, like a badge of honour. Youko remembered her mother's face, shown to her by Suiguu, distraught with the loss of her only child. She closed her hands.

"This brings back memories. The smell used to fill the whole kitchen when my mother made them," Taiki continued, licking salt from one finger. "I was always hopeless at them, I can't get the moulding action right. But then, you saw."

Youko smiled, remembering the unusual sight of a black kirin dropping clumps of rice down the front of his robes by mistake.

"Did you see the looks on your servant's faces when we kicked them out of the kitchens?" Taiki asked. "And the way they kept peeking back in when they thought we weren't looking?"

She looked at him, memorising his face, holding this moment. This peaceful moment beneath the dusk-dark willows on a balmy summer night, where she wasn't an empress, just a simple girl eating homemade _onigiri_ with a dear friend.

"I saw. How did your day with Keiki go?"

Taiki's face shone. "It was great. He took me to a river, where it was all peaceful and calm. At first it was quite hard to talk to him, he wouldn't say anything."

"Somehow I don't find that hard to imagine."

"He opened up eventually. Once I got him talking, it was easy, like we'd been together our whole lives. He's my _nii-san_ again, like I was never away."

"I'm glad to hear that," she said, genuinely pleased. "He needs someone he can be comfortable talking to. He doesn't find it easy to admit he's worried."

Taiki glanced over at her. "Hmmm. You know, it's funny. I only really got him to open up to me when I started talking about you."

Youko almost dropped her tea. "What?" she asked, shocked.

Taiki took a leisurely bite out of an _onigiri_. "I asked him how you were doing. And he was worried about you. Because you put yourself in harm's way without leaving anyone a route to help you."

"That's not true!" she protested.

He raised one eyebrow. "You didn't even give him time to send his _shirei _after you last night."

"But…"

"I think he's feeling a little guilty, because he doesn't really know how to talk to you. You send out conflicting messages." he continued thoughtfully, "One moment you're just a young woman, the next you're his master. But I think… I think in his own quiet way he's quite devoted to you."

"Takasato-kun!"

"After we'd been talking for a while, I told him that he should really be more open with you," he carried on blithely. "I told him that you're more sensitive than you let on and that you need some comfort and support sometimes."

She looked at him in horror. "You didn't."

"I did." He finished his _onigiri _and grinned. "I have to admit, I'm looking forward to seeing Keiki's definition of 'comfort and support'." He looked over her shoulder. "Speak of the devil…"

Youko turned to see her kirin walking over the red-and-gold bridge towards them, the last vestiges of twilight making his hair glow milky white.

"I knew you'd come and find me eventually," she said, trying to sound casual, "So we saved you an _onigiri_. I hope you like _umeboshi_."

Keiki blinked down at their small picnic. "So it's true," he said, "you really did maraud the kitchens."

"Tea?" said Taiki, holding up the spare cup he'd brought along. Keiki hovered above them for a moment before gingerly sitting down next to the willow trunk.

Youko handed him a rice ball, which he inspected for a long moment before carefully biting into it.

"This is so surreal," said Taiki, pouring tea into everyone's cups. "Out of all fates, I'd never have thought that one day I'd be sitting in the gardens of a foreign palace, eating Japanese snack food items with an empress and a strange unicorn-like creature. The mind reels."

"I know exactly how you feel," said Youko. "One day I have exams, the next I have a whole country."

Keiki cleared his throat. "What exactly is this?"

"Pickled plum wrapped in salted rice," Youko explained. "they're really popular in Hourai."

Keiki stared at his half-eaten snack. "It is unusual, but… pleasantly so."

Youko handed him a cup of tea. His fingers were soft as they brushed hers.

"Look!" said Taiki in delight, pointing across the water. "_Hotaru_!"

The fireflies danced lazily above the surface of the water, their reflections shining back up at them. In the twilight, they didn't look real, some fey things that had spilled out of a careless daydream.

"We don't have them in Tai," explained Taiki, watching them glitter like fallen stars. "It's too cold that far north. My brother and I used to catch them in woven boxes when we were little."

Youko hugged her knees, breathing in the rich, warm night air. "Mmm. Me too. But I used to let them go a few minutes later, because I was worried they'd die."

"Um…" said Keiki. "Shu-jou?"

She turned to him, blinking the nostalgia from her eyes. "Yes, Keiki? What is it?"

"You two have rice in your hair," he commented, sipping elegantly.

Taiki and Youko stared at each other, then burst out laughing. Youko leaned over to brush the white grains from Taiki's hair. "You look like you got caught in a snowstorm," she said, knocking some rice from his shoulder.

"You're no better," he said, picking grains from her red tresses.

"Oh? I seem to remember you managing to drop half a bowl of rice on my head."

"It's not my fault you're short!" he retorted.

Keiki leant over and brushed down her sleeves, the rice falling to the ground where it scattered amongst the grass like the strangest little white flowers.

"It's getting late," he told them, but there was no rebuke in it. "You should both be in bed. Tai-Ou will be wondering where you are, Taiki. And you, Shu-jou, have a long day ahead of you tomorrow."

Taiki yawned and got up. "Actually, you're right, nii-san," he said. "I'll see you both tomorrow. _Oyasumi nasai_!"

"Goodnight," Youko and Keiki said together, watching him go. There was a beat of silence before Keiki spoke.

"Did he just…"

She looked up at him and smiled. "Yes. He just called you 'brother'.

He looked back at her, wide-eyed. Then his face creased into an honest, pure smile and he looked down into his tea, as though searching for a reflection to see what it looked like.

"Thank you," he said quietly, putting the cup down. "You were right. I just needed to talk to him."

"He really does love you, you know," she said. "He looks up to you like some kind of hero figure. You'll have to work hard not to let him down."

Keiki looked slightly panicked as he stared at her.

"Don't worry," she reassured him. "You'll do fine. He likes you for nothing less than who you already are."

He glanced down at the rice in the grass. "Do you still miss Hourai?" he said quietly, but she understood the question behind it.

"I'll always miss it a little, but I'm happier here than I ever was there," she said truthfully. She searched his face, saw the lingering doubt and guilt clouding his eyes. She sighed in frustration. "I…I…" she glanced up once more, into the face of her dear kirin, and something snapped inside her.

"Oh, to hell with this," she said, and flung her arms around him. He yelped in shock and fell backwards into the tree trunk. Youko laid her head on his shoulder, feeling his heart thumping beneath the robe.

"You brought me home, Keiki", she mumbled. "Thank you."

"Shu-jou!" he said in panic, nervously laying one hand on her shoulder blade. "Umm…"

She let him go, and straightened up so that she was kneeling beside him. She smiled shyly at him, enjoying the look on his face. "Really, thank you, Keiki." She stood, gathering the empty teapot and cups in her arms. "I'd better return these to the kitchen before I go to bed. Goodnight, my kirin."

As she walked off towards the palace, she faintly heard behind her, "Goodnight, Youko."

* * *

**A/N Yes, more silliness! Still a while left before the plot kicks in...gomen nasai!**

**Is it really obvious that I wrote this before lunch?**

**On a more serious side, I like to think that Taiki and Youko would get on well. Don't you?**

**Oh, sweet Tentei... I just realised that I have to change the prologue _again_. (headdesk) I don't have the nerves for this...**

**-Indy**


	5. Interlude

**Interlude**

"Tonight?"

Gruff. "Tonight."

"But that's…"

"Got a problem with that?"

The soft ring of steel waiting to be drawn.

_Yes. Yes I have. This is murder._

"…No. I was just…surprised."

"It's the perfect opportunity. What's the word? Poi… poina.."

"Poignancy."

"Tha's it."

_You can act tough all you want, but you're scared too. In it for the money. Aren't we all?_

_Unless there's something else at stake._

Resigned. "Tell me what to do."

"You take this…"

_Tentei, forgive us. Empress of Kei, forgive us._

_I'm sorry._


	6. Silk Uncertain

**A/N I just want to say thanks to all my reviewers. You guys! I really appreciate all your support. ****Special thanks to Seravy, for some very sage words and help on everything 12k :D**

**Theme: You Will Excuse Me if I Skip the Masquerade (May 25 08)**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

**Silk Uncertain**

She was shaken awake (in the politest way possible) by Gyoukuyou the next morning. Dawn spilled through the windows, but it was the pale, uncertain light of an hour so early than no one with any sense was supposed to see it. Gyoukuyou whipped away her cup of tea when she'd only finished half of it, shooing her towards the bath.

"Don't get your nails wet. We need to give you a manicure and if your nails are soft they'll split."

Gyoukuyou showed her no mercy.

Every inch of her body, head to toe, was scrubbed, exfoliated, moisturised and scented. A dozen different things were washed through her hair alone, which was then out combed with almond oil over a pan of coals in order to dry and fragrance it.

"Is all this really necessary?" she asked in a brief lull, frantically trying to eat some breakfast before Gyoukuyou took it off her. "Nobody's going to see the condition of my feet or the softness of my skin. I don't see why I can't just throw on some robes and pin up my hair like normal."

"No," the servant replied, "but it's to make you feel like an Empress. And if you feel like one on the inside, you'll look like one on the outside."

"Gyoukuyou…"

"Do it for the people," she said sternly, "they've had a tough time and a beautiful young Empress will give them something to smile about and nurture hopes for. You represent the wishes of Kei – in order to respect and honour the people you must do this for them. If you take care of yourself, you are taking care of them."

Youko blinked and put her tea down. "That's quite a speech."

"Yes," said Gyoukuyou. "I've been practicing. I knew you'd be difficult about this."

The handmaidens doing her hair giggled.

"Jut you wait and see, Your Highness. You'll look so lovely that everyone in the crowd will fall in love with you. Just as they should."

Gyoukuyou draped a bright blue robe over her shoulders. It was open to show her under-dress, halfway between red and orange, and tied with a dark pinkish sash. It flared past her hips in the traditional train of the formal court dress.

Youko turned, admiring the outer robe. All over, it was embroidered in stark black branches, each blossoming scarlet with a thousand tiny flowers. Reams of them floated in a cascade to the silvery water at the hem. Kingfishers perched half-hidden, wonders of stitching. The scene gave the illusion of rain, in silver thread and crystal. Water dripped from branches, ran from feathers and dropped ripples in the pool. As she moved, the robe glimmered, feeling as cool and light as the evening after a summer storm.

Gyoukuyou worked steadily, lovely details materialising wherever she moved her hands. Taiki's beads, two long dark swishes, and hair tumbling with velvet-red flowers. In place of a diadem, handfuls of silver, so fine as to pass for frosted spiderwebs. One across her forehead with a charm of jade and pearls. The rest of her hair loose, shining with a barely-there veil. It chimed gently as she moved. And she was done.

Youko almost didn't believe the reflection in the mirror. She looked like a Tang dynasty painting, or a legend with princesses bound as birds of paradise by day, returning to human shape at night. She stayed still as one of the maids delicately lined her eyes and lashes with a touch of smoky black, closing her lips on rouge paper.

She tipped her robes with a hesitant finger. Crystal and silver and tiny red flowers. How unlike her. Yet somehow it didn't feel as awkward as it would have, not long ago. She exhaled and left her rooms.

"Youko, how on earth can one person take…?" Enki started to chide her, then trailed off as she hurried down the walkway, throwing up rainbows.

Shouryuu stared at her for a long moment, then recovered and grinned. "Youko," he said, bowing, "marry me."

She laughed and joined them. "Thanks, but I must decline. You're too notorious to do any good for my reputation."

Han-Ou scrutinised her outfit, nodding once. "Ah," he said sadly, "I feel underdressed."

Where was Keiki? She scanned the room, and her eyes widened.

He wore crimson, and an open over-robe edged in scarlet against black. There was silver in his hair, woven or braided in. His mane had a curiously formal look to it as it glittered in the sun. She touched one of the threads in her own hair and realised that this had been planned, that they would match. Gyoukuyou at work again.

"Shu-jou."

She shyly gave his sleeve a tug. "Come on," she said. "Let's go get this over with."

It may have been a trick of the light, but as she walked off, she thought she saw his hand reaching for hers.

* * *

The morning dragged, as she accepted gifts from retainers and heard good-will wishes from eleven different diplomatic parties. Keiki gently coughed when it was time for the traditional speech. She took a deep breath, glad that her long sleeves hid her trembling hands. Public speaking did not seem to get any easier with time.

"My people," she started, projecting her voice so it rang through the room with a convincing air of authority. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the rising of Kei from an era of poverty and violence, and to share our hopes for her future."

From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a few people writing furiously at the edges of the room. They looked up expectantly as she paused, and she realised that they were palace scribes, recording her speech so it could be repeated to the citizens later. A fresh horde of butterflies took wing in her stomach.

"I would like to take this opportunity to thank the people who have helped me to guide Kei from out of the darkness. Firstly, my ever-loyal kirin, Keiki, without whose support and wisdom I would be utterly lost. He has always stood by me and trusted me, even in the direst of times, and for this I am truly grateful."

She could almost see the shocked look on his face, even with him stood behind her. She bit her lip and continued.

"Secondly, my ministers, all of whom have worked tirelessly…" She listed almost everyone in the palace, even the servants, and eventually thanking the people of Kei themselves for believing in her.

"And so, as the people have spent so many years in had toil to rebuild our home, I declare this day a public holiday, a festival of rest, celebration and happiness to remember how far we have come, and look forward to a peaceful and prosperous future. Thank you, once again."

Everyone in the hall bowed as she took her seat again, relieved that the hardest bit was finally over. A low buzz of conversation filled the room as everybody stretched, and the petitioners organised themselves into a line. Youko took advantage of her brief reprieve to look over her shoulder at her kirin.

"How was that?"

"Appropriate," he answered serenely, keeping up his public façade of being cool and unflappable. Youko resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. Instead, she sought out Enho in the crowd. He met her gaze and nodded once, giving her his approval.

The morning went on in a stream of people asking favours of her, which she granted with a smile for each supplicant, trying to hide her impatience. She lowered taxes, pardoned prisoners, granted rewards to palace staff for their service, and distributed gifts and promotions to those ministers who had proved their competence and loyalty to her.

In the afternoon, she knelt in front of Tentei's altar, Keiki beside her. They lit their gifts of incense, two boys with fans speeding the smoke to heaven, carrying their prayers to Tentei. She searched her heart for the right words.

_Keep my people healthy and happy, please. They have been through so much pain. Bring us true peace, and lend me the strength and courage to govern wisely. Please bless the ones who aid me. I cannot do this without them. Grant the wishes of this foolish Empress._

She opened her eyes and glanced at Keiki' face. His eyes were still closed, his lips moved silently as he finished his own prayer. As they stood, she wondered what he'd wished for.

She was still unsure what to think of the religion of Over Here, but she couldn't deny the wellbeing that filled her as she breathed in the incense-flavoured air. She received the blessing of the priest and walked blinking out into the sunlight, to the next temple.

The air seemed softer as she entered, the murmur of the people outside more distant, even though there were quite a few people watching from the galleries inside. Youko approached the riboku, feet pattering softly across white gravel. The building around her was bright and airy, and full of an unspoken feeling of hope.

She bowed to the gnarled tree, looking back over her shoulder for Keiki. He passed her a handful of ribbons. She'd chosen the patterns herself, cheerful tones that expressed her wishes for her people. She tied them around the branches of the riboku, praying hard that they'd be noticed by Tentei.

Unlike most ribbons, these would not bring rankato this riboku, but instead would grow eggfruits full of seeds on every other riboku in the kingdom, allowing her people to cultivate a greater harvest next year. It was her most heartfelt gift to them. The idea had occurred to her when she'd realised that the festival would be on the eighth of the month, the only day when such a wish would be granted.

It gave her an unspeakable burst of pleasure, to stand back and look at her handiwork. The tree fluttered gaily with colourful ribbons, dolled up like a little girl on her birthday. This vital thing, only _she_, not her ministers, nor her bickering civil servants, just _she_, could do. It was pure, entirely without politics or favour-gaining. Just a simple, loving gift from an Empress to her people.

She stepped back, caught in the moment, and bumped into Keiki.

"Oh, sorry," she said, as she suddenly realised what she'd done, blushing. But when she looked up, he was smiling at her, the slight narrowing at the corners of his eyes indicating his amusement. She looked up at him and was struck by the notion that he knew exactly what was going on inside her mind.

* * *

The moment she stepped from the gate, and the sun hit her clothes, she was deafened by sound. She froze, feeling awed and shy and grateful and oddly like a prize salmon held up for general admiration.

"They just want to see their Empress," said Keiki. "Just stand there and look benevolent."

Stepping forwards, he forced her further into the light. She took a deep breath, overcome by nerves. She walked out alone.

The people made the collective resonance of thousands sighing in unison. She felt their eyes on her, the sole object of attention. She struggled to control herself, vertigo rushing in at the sea of all those faces upturned to her. If not for the solid presence of Keiki behind her, she would have turned and bolted.

For the first moment in such a long time, she felt the old feeling creep over her, as it had when she was just Nakajima Youko, a sad little lost schoolgirl out of her mind with fear. _Is this really happening? It must be a dream._

Then she took a deep breath and swept her gaze over them, finding herself steeped in some new emotion. Respect, and compassion. Love. These were _her people_, who she had sworn and fought tooth and claw to protect. The people who had trusted her enough to put their lives squarely in her hands in all good faith. Her family.

She brought her hands together and bowed from the waist.

There was a moment of the most exquisitely shocked silence, in which she could almost hear Keiki's fists curling in outrage. Then, as one, the people of her kingdom roared. Amidst the cacophony she heard the beginnings of a chant. Her name.

"Keiki," she said, so softly that only he could hear, "where do I go from here?"

* * *

She met the others for dinner afterwards. She'd wanted to forsake the usual formal arrangements and have the whole palace eat together under the same sky. This was not just her day, after all. But the ministers had argued hotly. She could brush aside the complaints of maintaining tradition and class structure, but she couldn't ignore Keiki's concerns over her safety. The affairs of the palace may have seemed quiet on the surface, but underneath there was no telling the extent of the ever-present unease. After the mutiny of a faction of the Ministry of Heaven a few years ago, no risks could be taken with lax security. It was a sobering thought as she entered the open banquet courtyard, containing only her most loyal retainers. Despite this grand festival, her dynasty was still far from stable. There was still so far to go.

She had to bat her way through a veritable forest of floral arrangements to get to her seat on the dais set up for the honoured guests and herself. Her Chousaipulled a chair out for her, right in the centre of the table. Like everything else polished and prettied up for the occasion, she was on show, and what a glorious show it was too. The dais was in the glowing shadow of several large red parasols, hung with little coloured paper lanterns and wind chimes that tinkled merrily in the sea breeze.

Koshou sat down beside her, his relaxed smile concealing his vigilance. Tonight only he and their foreign guests were allowed to bear weapons within the palace walls. For her protection. She had no doubt that Hankyo and Hyouki were lurking behind her somewhere, out of sight.

"They really went all out," she remarked to Koukan, taking in the garlands and ribbons swathing like a roof above them. There was a small band in one corner, the string-notes raising shivers down her spine as they trembled.

"Of course they did. They've been looking forwards to this for months."

"Really?" she asked, surprised. "I had no idea."

"I did tell you that they needed a celebration," he said.

A serving girl poured tea for her. Youko raised her eyebrows as she noticed that all the female servants were in full makeup and hair accessories. At least they were having fun. On her orders, they'd organised themselves into shift work so that they all had free time in which to enjoy the festivities themselves.

"You look tired," remarked Taiki, looking handsome in dark blue. "But your duties are now complete?"

She surreptitiously ran her fingers over her silken robes, smoothing them, soothing herself. In the lantern light, the crystal drops sparkled more fiercely, like scattered stars. Her hair chimed when she moved.

"That should be it," she said, looking to Koukan for confirmation. He nodded, and she continued, "Yes. Just the toadying and entertainments to go now. Everyone can sit back and enjoy the festivities. All across Kei, everything will be one big party. I wish I was down there, to be honest."

Keiki shot her a sharp look which she pretended not to see.

The servants removed the last of the supper plates, pouring glasses of sake and placing dishes of sweetmeats before the diners. For a second Youko wondered where on earth they'd managed to find cherry blossoms at this time of year, before realising that the flowers decorating the little cakes were made out of sugar. The cooks had done flowers for all four seasons.

Drums started from somewhere in the velvet night, followed by dancers. As she'd requested, they performed the dance of Tentei rebuilding the world, the one she had once taken part in herself. She sipped her tea and told herself to relax.

They set out green and blue cloth, in the shape of the Twelve Kingdoms. Dancers marched onto it, and she restrained a chuckle as she realised that they were supposed to be the modern day rulers and kirin. Some of them looked more than a little nervous, evidently having been unaware that the people they were representing would actually be in the audience.

Shouryuu gave a low laugh as the Han-Ou actor glided forwards. Evidently he'd gotten a little bit worried as to what was politically correct, and had aimed at the middle ground. And missed.

Taiki (a little girl dressed up) scuttled shyly on stage, half-hiding behind a man in tiger-symbol armour.

"Oh, come on," said Taiki dejectedly. "I haven't been that small in _years_." Gyousou laughed and tousled his hair affectionately.

The fable was followed by enthusiastic cheers, and to her own mortification, a short history of her own reign and life Over Here, complete with a young woman in a _very_ red wig and artistically tattered clothes making a big show of being hunted down by youma.

"Oh, no," she whispered quietly. Shouryuu and Enki roared with laughter, the former saluting her with his sake cup before draining it in one go.

"I believe Lady Shoukei ordered that particular piece," said Koukan, leaning in with a smile.

"I'll feed her to Hankyo first thing in the morning," she promised him.

After a stylistic representation of the Wa Province Rebellion, lengths of scarlet cloth waved around to denote flames, the Sekishi-actress in full glorious regalia pompously opened her arms wide, long sleeves fluttering, as the people of Kei (all ten of them) kneeled down before her.

"Didn't I ban that?"

"Shhh."

To her profound relief, the bejewelled faux Empress was soon ushered off the stage to thunderous applause, and replaced by three slender young things doing a dainty dance with painted paper fans.

She exhaled loudly and leaned back in her chair.

"That was a most prodigious and famous dancer. She's renowned for only taking on the best of roles." said Koukan helpfully.

"Great. Fantastic. Now let us never speak of this again."

He withdrew with a low chuckle, helping himself to a plate of sweet folded dumplings filled with azuki bean paste.

The music that followed was more her thing. Youko narrowed her eyes to listen. It spoke to her of coming home after a long voyage, loved ones waiting, their arms already open for her. It made her want to laugh and cry at the same time.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Taiki lay a hand on Gyousou's arm. The king slowly turned to look at him, eyes dark with the night. The look that passed between them was heavy with meaning.

Taiki raised his eyes to his lord's, deep and black_. One day we will have a festival in Tai. The people will rejoice in your name. This I promise you. _

The music seemed as their own personal accompaniment. Youko turned to her kirin, his head bowed as he listened. Once he felt her eyes on him, he tilted his head and looked at her through strands of pale hair. The light ran liquidly down the silver in it.

"I had no idea we had such artisans in Kei," she said to him softly.

"Most of them fled before your ascent," he replied, equally quiet. "But the refugees have come home now. We are at peace, and in peace all the beautiful and half-lost things can bloom again."

"Keiki? That was poetic."

"Hmm."

* * *

There is a universal law stating that sooner or later, every party, celebration or gathering must devolve into unrestrained and mandatory mass consumption of alcohol. Shouryuu, a true devotee, seized a bottle of sake from a tray and started pouring liberal measures for himself and Gyousou.

"Youko? Does your keeper let you drink yet?"

Keiki sat up and glared at him.

"No thanks. I've just spotted someone I want to talk to."

Using the general upheaval to slip away from the top table, she wound around the seated guests and tapped a young man on the shoulder.

"You know, you didn't have to dress up just for me," she said.

"Kei-Ou!"

"Rakushun, call me Youko. I've told you so many times."

He eyed her gorgeous robes. "It's a little hard when you're dressed like that."

She looked down at her colourful form. "Oh… I'd forgotten. Gyoukuyou went a little over the top."

"You should let her go over the top more often. You look great. I was in the crowd below the mountain when you came out earlier. You shimmered like a mirage. A sky-goddess."

She blushed. "Rakushun!"

They walked over to the edge of the crowd, near to the musicians for some privacy.

"I should congratulate you-" he started.

"Oh, Rakushun. Don't. It's all too much as it is. How did your exams go?"

He puffed out his chest, and went to stroke his whiskers proudly before he remembered that he currently didn't have any. "Well, I don't mean to boast, but…"

She grinned. "Congratulations! I knew you'd do well."

He thanked her and shuffled his feet, pleased but embarrassed.

"I'm counting on you to become a great and skilled minister so that you can come and help me run the country. Soon I'll be asking Koukan what positions we have open."

"Aww…Youko…" he smiled nervously and bowed. "I'll try and live up to that." He wrinkled his nose, an old rat-like habit of his. "Uh… should you be talking to little ol' me? You've got all these important guests here. And… your Saiho is glaring at me."

She looked over one blue shoulder. "Sorry. I guess I'm supposed to be the hostess, aren't I? I'd better go. Will you stay in the palace for a few days? I'll have some more time to spend with you after all the ruckus is out of the way."

He bowed. "Until then, my Empress."

She held a hand up to her kirin to signify that she was on her way. Winding through the crowd on the way back proved a trickier task than before, as someone stopped her every ten seconds to declare their loyalty.

"I need to talk to you," said Keiki in a low voice as she reached him. His mane glowed white and silver in the lowered light. He was heartbreakingly beautiful. Stark and dramatic.

"Yes?"

Shouryuu leapt up and wound an arm around her shoulders. "Here she is!" he roared. "The lovely and fierce Empress Sekishi! And her Kirin, he of the complete lack of fun and no sense of humour! By the way," he added in a stage whisper, "why doesn't he have a proper name yet?"

"I'm working on it," she told him, shrugging out from beneath him. "I'd have thought you'd have a higher tolerance for alcohol."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Don't pay him any mind," said Enki, pushing him down into his chair with one disgusted hand. "He's completely stone-cold sober really. He just likes to act drunker than he is. If an army attacked right now he take them all on one-handed and then swagger off with a bottle of sake afterwards, singing tuneless ballads. I've had five hundred years of it."

Shouryuu winked at her, then began shamelessly flirting with two waitresses at once.

"Shu-jou…"

"Yes. Coming."

They walked away from the main courtyard in silence, through the halls to a quiet terrace.

"What was it you wanted to tell me?"

He held up one hand. "Just a little longer." She followed him in rising curiosity.

They entered a small room with a pile of cloth over one chair and a folding screen down the middle. A familiar face stood smiling at her.

"Gyoukuyou?" Youko asked in confusion. "Keiki, what…"

"I know you're planning on haring off regardless of my wishes," he interrupted, looking down earnestly at her like some earthbound god, face stern. "So I may as well ascertain that you will not get mobbed. If nothing else, it will set my own mind at ease."

"Keiki?"

Gyoukuyou drew a piece of fabric from the chair, holding it before her. The scarlet coat was vibrant in the candlelight.

"The Taiho is taking you down to Gyouten."

She looked back in astonishment. "Keiki?"

He nodded cautiously, waiting for her reaction.

She stared at him a moment longer, then burst into a genuine smile. "Kei Taiho, my partner in crime. Who'd have thought?"

He averted his eyes.

"Nobody should miss you in the noise. Our guests will claim you have a headache, if anyone inquires."

Gyoukuyou helped them out of their finery, and gasped as Youko leant forwards and gently kissed her cheek. With a wave, the girl ran out of the door, kirin following behind at a more dignified pace.

She turned to the pile of treasures. They were very lovely on her Empress, but how easily they were shed. She shook her head wryly and allowed a small motherly smile to creep onto her face.

* * *

From above, the city seemed to be built of sunset.

They landed in a quiet alley between two rows of houses, the shirei vanishing as soon as they dismounted.

There were red paper lanterns everywhere, hung from eaves and open windows, set on steps and on porches, in the hands of the revellers and strung overhead like replacement stars. Every shape, every size, some with black writing on the sides, some without. They bobbed in the breeze with their messages, _happiness_, _peace_, _prosperity_, and no mean number bearing the legend _Sekiraku_ or _Sekishi_. All the red light cast a rosy glow onto the white buildings. Red flowers dripped from every window frame and lintel, garlands wound around columns and trees.

The people themselves filled the streets, every last man, woman and child in brightest crimson. The girls had scarlet ribbons and flowers in their hair, the boys red cloth coverings over their topknots. There were musicians, professional and amateur alike, seemingly everywhere, their songs overlapping and jangling in companionable discord. Dancers whirled long ribbons past their eyes, their accompanists with red ornaments tied to their instruments.

She stood shocked on the street corner, beneath a crimson parasol hung with tiny red candles in glass jars.

"You knew, didn't you?" she whispered up to him.

"I come down to Gyouten every day," he reminded her, "I've been watching them put up decorations for a week."

"Why?" she whispered.

"I couldn't exactly miss it."

She gave him a crooked smile. "No! I mean that I'm surprised you brought me here yourself. You're usually so set against me leaving Kinpa palace, even when I tell you where I'm going."

He was silent a moment. "You will be more at ease in the city than above in the palace. I want you...I wanted you to see-"

She felt her hesitant half-smile turn into a real one. "Thank you. And in return, I promise I'll be more careful. And take my duties more seriously."

There was a strange look on his face. "Shu-jou…" he started. She smiled at him and lead him into the crowd.

They passed vendors selling hot dumplings and sweetened balls of fried dough on skewers. The cooks dropped battered vegetables into pans hissing with hot oil, coins streaming into apron pockets. The two had to jump back at one point to avoid a procession of masked performers sweeping down the street, rattling bells and shrieking whistles and bamboo flutes.

There was a small square filled with acrobats dissolving and reforming human structures and pyramids, tossing young girls around as lightly as feathers and catching them on shoulders. Two bare-chested men fought a mock duel with scimitars, red scarves tied around the grip.

"Who organised this?" she yelled to Keiki over the din, utterly delighted.

"The people," he answered, hands over his ears as an overenthusiastic drumming quartet ran past. "They did this by themselves."

It was phantasmagorical. Dreamlike.

They took refuge outside a café by a pond, wax paper boats ferrying red candles back and forth across the diameter.

"I've uncovered your ulterior motive," she told her companion.

"Oh?"

"You're trying to show me how happy everyone is. So I'll throw another celebration next summer."

"Such a thought never crossed my mind. But perhaps if you're considering it..."

He was saved from her revenge by the arrival of their order.

"This is all so beautiful," she said at some point during the night. "It's like a dream. Surely it can't last."

"It is real. You made it so."

She searched his face and wondered if he didn't have his own reasons for bringing her here, after all.

* * *

After an indeterminable amount of time, as time seemed to have stopped, he caught her wrist and pulled her to the city centre.

"Where are we going?" she asked, noticing that more and more people seemed to be heading their way, catching them up in a river of humanity.

"You will see soon."

He kept a tight grip on her so they wouldn't be separated. It wasn't long before Youko felt grass underneath her feet instead of stone and, peering above the crowd, she made out the silhouette of trees above the people. Ryou-un Mountain stood out like a large sweep of ink drawn against the night sky.

They came to a halt in what she assumed was a public garden. She tugged on his sleeve to get an explanation, face turned quizzically upwards. He finally relented. "The Royal Han had a particular gift for the Empress and her people," he explained, and at that moment a great burst of blue light blossomed against the heavens.

The crowd gasped in unison as fireworks lit up the night, bathing everyone's faces, rich or poor, old or young, in the same jewelled tones. They transformed the sky into an artist's spread of colours. Youko stood on her tiptoes, jumping a little to try to get a better view. It was easy for the people around her to block her out.

"Are you all right?" asked Keiki, bending down.

"Fine, just…" she stopped, cheeks glowing.

"What? What is the matter?"

She looked down, embarrassed. "I'm a bit short," she said, after a long pause.

There was a short silence.

"It's all right for you! You're so tall!"

He seemed to consider something for a moment, then he awkwardly kneeled down and turned his back to her.

"Keiki?"

"Climb onto my back," he said, sounding self-conscious.

"What? But you hated it when…"

"You'll be able to see."

"Keiki…"

Wordlessly he reached behind her and drew her arm over his shoulder before she could react. As she stumbled and hit his back, he straightened up, taking hold of her knee as he did so. She yelped and clung on for dear life.

"Not so tightly, please," he said, catching her other knee gently. She loosened her arms from around his neck, mumbling a faint apology, her heart pounding.

She rested her chin on his shoulder, his cheek warm against hers. In the vivid lights from above, his skin looked paler than ever.

"I'm not too heavy…?"

"No."

She blushed fiercely, glad he couldn't see her face. She had never been this…_this_ to him before. He was very warm. She'd never before noticed the sense of strength beneath his soft skin, the feel that beneath the kind and placid exterior, he was all sinew and lengths of steel, with a core of something strangely _other_. He was stronger than she'd ever given him credit for, and held her just as gently and as easily as if she were a fallen baby bird.

She had the most perfect view of the fireworks. Silently, they watched the finale as the whole sky was lit up in scarlet sparks, the shrieks ringing in their ears, eyes flickering with the purple afterimage. Showers of silver burst and scattered towards the ground.

For a moment the crowd was quiet, then laughs and cheers spread all the way through. The people began to move away, back to the streets. Their illuminations drifting away like galaxies steadily separated by an expanding universe.

She allowed herself to be held a moment more, then she whispered, "Thank you" and tightened her arms around his shoulder in a sort of hug. He turned his face towards her, and she felt his warm breath on her cheek. Suddenly very aware of him, she let go and, with a gentle push on his back, sprang away from him. In surprise, he let go of her and she fell neatly to her feet.

They faced each other, unsure of what needed to be said.

"It's late," he said eventually.

She nodded. "Yes. Late."

"I'll take you home."


	7. Glass

**Chapter Five**

**Glass**

Keiki was detained in Gyouten longer than he had anticipated. But then nobody in the city had gotten up before noon. It had turned out to be a _very_ successful party indeed. As he dismounted on the landing stage, one of the servants informed him that the diplomatic party was at Hari Palace for the evening.

Walking through the Outer Palace, he reflected on whether he ought to punish his subordinates for not turning up to work. But then he couldn't fault his people for having fun. There had been a severe deficiency these past decades. Instead he had taken all the extra work onto himself, for which he knew his master would chide him.

At least he had a master who rarely drank. The Royal En and Han had been stumbling around all morning looking like a pair of jellyfish who had been force-fed wasabi and pickled in vinegar. His own Empress was much more in spirits, though he feared he had overtired her the night before. She had been tripping over her own feet with such regularity that he had felt like following her around with outstretched arms, like a parent with an energetic toddler just learning how to walk.

By the time he arrived at Hari Palace, the sun was setting behind the mountain, turning everything a dusky pink-purple. Han-Ou and Hanrin were both nodding off on a broad wooden bench, the kirin lying on her master's chest, gripping fistfuls of his robes. En-Ou was in the middle of a game of mah-jongg with Gyousou-sama, Enki wandering amongst the flowers. Taiki, his dear surrogate brother, had set himself up in front of an easel, applying paint with such concentration that his face was creased up in a studious frown.

Padding up behind him, Keiki looked for his subject. With a small smile, he saw it was his own Empress, dressed in bright gold. She sat on a low wall over the pond, back to a dripping willow tree. Fireflies swirled around her in the half-light. One arm trailed over to touch a pink-blush lily.

Taiki turned around to welcome his old friend home. Behind him, Youko straightened and furiously shook out her arm with a grimace, snapping back to her serene pose the second he turned around again.

"It's not finished," Taiki said, "but what do you think?"

Keiki leaned in. "It's very skilful," he said truthfully. "The drape of the cloth is particularly good."

"Really? I've been working on that."

"Yes. I can tell." He looked into his little brother's wide eyes and let himself smile. Taiki grinned back with such kind happiness that for a moment, he seemed to be the small child that Keiki had met on Mt. Hou.

"Your master makes a great model. She's never complained once and she's been sitting there for hours."

"Not complaining? That certainly makes a change."

"I heard that," called Youko from the pond.

Taiki laughed, and everyone who was awake turned slightly at the sound.

"Nakajima-san, I'll let you go now. I'm moving on to the background."

She got up with a wince and stretched out, robes slightly glowing in the fading light.

He followed her as she wandered over to the giant glasshouse, passing through its open door. The glass had focused and retained all the heat of day, so that it was like walking into an embrace. He stood and watched her wander over the bridge, trailing one bright-sleeved hand over the railing. The bridge was painted red and gold and zigzagged across the water; an ancient technique that forced the walker to concentrate, therefore being totally in the place and moment, in the best possible frame of mind for appreciating the artistry of the garden.

"You seem to get on well with him."

She smiled absentmindedly, seemingly only half-aware of him. But then, he knew it would take a lot more than a bridge to force his master to think any way but her own.

"Yes. But he gets on with everyone. There's some quality to him that makes everyone love him, don't you think?"

"Yes. I do. Your Highness also seems to have some of the same gift."

She looked at him in surprise. "What? But I've had so many enemies."

"Then perhaps it is a gift that makes people of _good taste_ rally around you. You never seem to want for supporters in times of need."

"That's just luck."

"You managed to get the Emperors of so many countries working together."

"That's just… that's just…"

"Self deprecation."

"I didn't ask you."

"You did, actually."

She lightly thumped his arm. "Oh, _baka_ kirin! What's gotten into you lately? You're so silly all of a sudden."

He stared into the water. Fish stirred up their reflections into indistinct pools of colour, red and gold and black and white.

"Perhaps…"

But what could he say? That last night he had looked at her face, borne her weight by himself and finally realised that without knowing it, his self-imposed mourning period had come to an end?

"I have been… remiss," he started, but was interrupted by a commotion outside the giant greenhouse.

"Oh dear. It looks like En-Ou's managed to upset Mr and Mrs Fabulous again. This hostessing business is tougher than it sounds." She ran off, holding handfuls of skirts up in a way that would have made her court ladies faint in horror.

Keiki sighed and followed her outside. Deciding she was far better suited to dealing with the diplomacy, he stood and watched Taiki paint in the reflections on the water.

"Taiho?"

Keiki turned. "Captain Sekei?"

The man nodded. "I'm very sorry to bother you, but the General of the Left asked me to deliver a letter. It's very urgent. I was supposed to give it to Her Majesty but, er..."

His eyes grew wide as he looked around Keiki. There came a loud splash and a shriek.

"...she appears to be in the middle of something."

"I will read it and pass it on to her."

The man bowed and walked away. Keiki unfolded the letter.

The message was short, and blunt. He heard the words ringing in his ears long after the marks on the paper continued to mean anything to him.

He straightened stiffly and looked unseeing out at the lake, eyes wide and frozen. He felt his heart pound, and the thought of blood made him wince, breaking the spell. _Blood_.

"Taiho," came a voice from the grass. "Are you unwell?"

"No, Hyouki," he whispered. He rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. "But this… this is going to kill her."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth, than he striaghtened up, shocked. He immediately saw what she was going to do. How could she do anything different? He knew the way her heart would compel her. A hundred scenes of bloodshed passed before his sight.

"Tentei help us," he said, eyes wide. "_This is going to kill her_."

"Keiki?"

He turned numbly. She was sopping wet. She pushed strands of hair out of her eyes and smiled at him. Slowly, as she read his face, her face fell.

"Keiki?" she asked "What's wrong? You look like someone's just died."


	8. Bloodstained

**A/N - Oh, everyone... how can I ever thank you? I can't tell you how happy your support makes me. I'm sorry I didn't get to reply personally to everyone's reviews- I've only just got settled in my new home in Sydney. Hong Kong was brilliant, I didn't want to leave. Let me just give out a blanket 'thanks' to you all.**

**Theme: The Distant Thunder of a Million Unheard Souls (May 26 08)**

**Chapter Six**

**Bloodstained**

* * *

"I don't believe it," she whispered.

Gyousou silently put a hand on her shoulder.

She squeezed her eyes shut, burning with angry tears that she couldn't shed right now.

The town of Kakuno in the south-western Province of You lay in burning ruins before her. It had been built on top of a gently rolling hill for defensive purposes, and in the thin light of dawn it looked like nothing more than one huge gravestone.

The lucky ones were gathered at the foot of the hill, heads turned upwards. In the gloom, she couldn't see their faces, only dark pits where the eyes should be. They'd handed out the blankets and food she'd ordered gathered for them at the Palace. In their despair, the survivors had been too busy to notice that the woman tending to their children's wounds was their Empress.

She rubbed at her eyes, stinging with the smoky wind that blew from the hill. They had ridden restless straight through the day and she was beginning to feel the strain. More than that, her heart ached so badly she wished she could cut it out.

At least the flames were mostly extinguished. She'd never forget the orange silhouette burning against the black sky, screams arising into the night. Kakuno was all burnt out, and so was its people, in body and in soul.

"I'm sorry," said Shouryuu, unusually grim. "I know how this must feel to you."

She nodded slowly. "I…I just thought these days were behind me," she rasped, throat sore from soot and calling orders. "Everything… we were moving _forwards_… into peace and…" Her words were choked off as she coughed violently, trying to get the smoke out of her lungs.

Gyousou handed her a damp piece of cloth from his belt. "Here. Hold this over your mouth and nose."

She took it gratefully, the wet fabric cool and kind against her skin.

Kantai jogged up the incline to meet her, face drawn. He was one of the most courageous men she knew, yet also one of the most compassionate. This grieved him just as much as it did her.

"Empress," he panted, wiping the grime from his forehead. "I've been talking to some of the survivors and they say that there were about twenty-five youma and a flock of _kingen_…"

"Twenty-five?" she gasped. "So many?"

"I've never heard of so many at once," frowned Shouryuu. "Not even in the days when I first took the throne of En."

"Me neither," said Gyousou. "Youko… I am so sorry for your pain."

"So am I," added Shouryuu, "although I know that can't be much of a comfort to you right now."

"No," she said quietly. "You have no idea how much this means to me. I was so used to being alone… Thank you for coming with me. Neither of you were under any obligation."

"How could I leave you at a time like this, especially in the light of everything you've done for me, Kouri and Tai? Even if there were no bonds of friendship between us, honour would not allow me to let you come here alone."

"Exactly. Whatever happened to chivalry?"

With a great deal of effort, she managed a tiny smile. "Chivalry? You, En-Ou?"

"That's more like it. Never lose your spirit. It will keep you fighting when nothing else will."

Koshou, tagging behind her in his official capacity as her bodyguard, tapped her shoulder.

"Youko, the water-chains are saying the last of the flames are out."

The two Emperors shared a glance.

"Youko- are you sure you want to do this?"

She nodded curtly. "I have to."

"Youko… maybe this isn't the best idea. We're doing all we can. Torturing yourself isn't going to help anyone."

She fixed them with a green gaze. "And what would you do in my position?"

Gyousou gave her a troubled look, then a tired smile. "I guess it's easy to forget how tough you are. You're so young. You do have a point."

"Gyousou-"

"Shouryuu, either of us would be off like a crossbow bolt. It's her kingdom. It's her right."

Youko nodded her thanks. "Somehow I don't feel right about this whole situation. A fire, or a youma attack, I could accept. But both at once, and in such magnitude?"

"It happens." said Shouryuu reluctantly. "We're very close to the border here."

"You can stop being polite," she said bitterly. "I know what you're thinking. Youma may cross borders from a troubled kingdom, but they never come into lands that aren't uneasy in their own right."

She turned to her speechless friends. "This is partly my fault. If the country was better …better defended, more peaceful, wealthier… we wouldn't have these problems. Yet another of my failings, but this time I have the proof right in front of me." She laughed bitterly. "To think, I spent so much time celebrating my anniversary, when I was really celebrating another year of my incompetence." _The death toll rises_. _Always, it rises and what am I to do? I'm grasping at a dream with bound and burnt hands._

"Youko!"

She waved the protests away and turned to the ruins.

"Youko, wait… if you're going in, take these gloves," Gyousou pressed heavy leather into her hands, supple from long use. "There might be some things that are still hot, particularly anything metal. You might have to push your way through the wreckage."

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

Kantai cleared his throat. "The survivors-" he reminded her. "They're tired and hungry. They have children and the elderly and no homes to go to. Shall we set up a camp?"

"You've requested emergency supplies?"

"We have sky riders with medical aid coming as we speak, and I've issued commands to open up the grain warehouses in the nearest cities. They're coming overland so it'll take a while."

She stared at the town before her, rendered into nothing more than a mass funeral pyre.

"No- there should be no camp. Not here, anyway."

"Youko?"

She turned briskly. "That town we flew over, to the northeast- what was its name?"

"Harusou, I believe."

"It's summer. Most of the residents will be in the countryside, in the hamlets. Issue requests for the use of their townhouses. Harvest won't be over for a good while yet, that'll give us time to sort out something more permanent."

"As you wish."

"Also, while you're there, spread word about what has happened. See if you can organise some sort of charity plan. People can be surprisingly kind when faced with great suffering – at the very least, we can make sure everyone has clothes and food enough. Those who can make it should be able to walk to Harusou, it's not too far. Anyone too young, old or wounded can be taken by the riders on their mounts."

He bowed, and she strode towards the town before her courage gave out. Koshou followed her. For a moment she thought of sending him away, but being alone still held such a bad feeling for her. Maybe she was strong enough to do this on her own, but that didn't mean she _had_ to. Such was the blessing of friends.

Wreckage, charred wood, ashes and deformed lumps of metal crunched underneath her boots. Soot clung to her clothes, turning her a mournful grey in moments. She waded in, very conscious that she was standing in what had once been peoples' lives and livelihoods. A splinter of glass cracked underneath her foot.

She felt Jouyuu manifest along the length of her spine, a cold presence warning her to be on the lookout for danger.

She heard Koshou swear softly as he followed her. It was like some hideous scene from a martial arts movie. Lintels, doorframes picked out in black against the wan sky, corners of houses and walls shorn from the rest and darkened with soot. The skeletons of shops and carts showed where the roads had been. Above all, the putridly sweet scent that she tried not to think about, although its cause lay in huddled heaps around the remnants of the houses, trapped by the advancing flames and unable to get out.

She came to the centre of the town quickly enough, as it was a fairly small place. She averted her eyes from the twisted corpse of the riboku as she noticed with a pang that it had been bearing fruit. Tattered ribbons fluttered uselessly in the breeze.

"Look," she said, sweeping an arm out. "Don't you notice anything?"

Koshou grimaced. "Youko, I'm noticing more than I ever wanted to."

"The walls… look at the walls."

He followed her gaze. "They're all ashy and burned. The houses are full of holes and the roofs have fallen in."

"Yes… but they're _there_."

"Youko?" he asked, frowning.

"Look at the outskirts!"

"What about them?"

"They're all dust and rubble! Look at the houses! The shops!"

He was silent a moment. "They're gone. Burned down completely."

"Yes! The buildings over here are damaged beyond repair but they're still standing…"

She looked around and made up her mind. Seizing a splintered wooden beam, she hauled herself onto it and precariously swung herself up. It groaned and dropped down three inches under her weight.

"Youko!"

"I'm fine. I need to see something."

He shifted nervously from one foot to another. "Please be careful."

"These are governmental buildings. Stone, well-built. They should be fairly structurally sound."

"Structurally…" he buried his head in his hands and moaned.

She walked acrobat-style up the beam, jumping onto the top of a wall. From there she clambered up onto the roof of the _Rishi_, scrabbling for purchase as loose tiles slid beneath her feet to fall to the floor below and shatter.

"Youko!"

She waved to him to show she was fine. Coughing as her lungs filled once again with ash, she held the cloth to her face and surveyed the view. From the apex she could see the whole town.

"It's as I thought," she said, once she was safely back on the ground. "The entire perimeter is almost completely destroyed. The fire damage gets more moderate as you go inwards, although the west side is generally worse of due to the direction of the wind, which spread the flames."

"So… the centre is kind of like an island in the mess? What does that mean?"

Youko was thinking furiously. "This doesn't seem right somehow. So much destruction. So many dead. So many _youma_. More people should have gotten out. How did this fire start, anyway?"

"In the panic, someone could have dropped a lantern or let something fall into the fire…"

"But they have a fire brigade. Amateur, I know, but they had that system we saw, chains of people passing buckets of water up from the river, and from the wells."

"They were scared. Not everyone has such a clear head in danger."

"No, no. It doesn't add up. I can accept that the fire could have begun on the edges of the city, but that doesn't explain the pattern of destruction. It's as though someone purposely set the fire in several places around the edge. I've studied this in school. The damage is always worst at the point of origin. And then, if they started the fire on the outskirts…" she paused in horror, then whispered, "the people would be trapped in the centre. They'd run away from the flames, and then find themselves surrounded with no way out. No escape route, and the certain knowledge that they were about to die…"

The world went blurry, and she felt unsteady on her feet. Dimly, she heard Koshou swear and say, "That's why there are so many bodies here in the middle… even if the fire didn't get 'em, the smoke woulda." Something inside him snapped, and he roared, "What kind of monster would condemn innocents like this? This is murder!"

She could almost see it in her mind, the spreading of the flames, the sinking realisation of the people.

"I wouldn't be surprised if the fire was fed," she whispered. "some oil, that's all it would take. You can get oil anywhere. Then all the houses- paint-rich houses full of flammable cloth. We're lucky the wind was low, or this could have turned into a firestorm."

"A what?"

"Firestorm. We have them in Hourai, after an earthquake disturbs the gas lines. Fire starts. It feeds on the city, and the winds and tight spaces between buildings whip it up into an inferno. The heat is incredible. It destroys everything, is impossible to fight, and nothing survives. I think someone was trying to create a similar effect."

Vision blurry, something caught Youko's eye. She bent down and brushed away the ash from a glint of bright red. She soon held half of a warped glass sphere in her hands.

It was ridiculous. Unbelievable and sick, like a doll in a disaster movie, picked up by the hero to show a bit of poignancy by some smart-ass director who thought he knew the meaning of pain.

She held in her hands a festival lantern. On the side was painted one word.

_Sekishi_.

Her knees gave way and she crumpled to the ground.

"Youko!"

"The bastards...they waited until my festival night! They waited until everyone was out in the streets, going mad and having fun, and not noticing anything strange going on. And afterwards they'd be so sound asleep that they wouldn't wake up until it was already far too late."

She roughly wiped her tears away with one gloved hand. The leather rasped against her skin.

"They were celebrating me! They trusted me! I'm supposed to keep them _safe_..."

"Youko, this isn't you fault."

"I'm the Empress. These people are my responsibilty. I've already failed to guard their safety. All I can do now is to give them justice."

She set down the fragment of lantern and got to her feet.

"Tentei have mercy on them. Because I won't. I won't rest until the bastards are dead."

* * *

In the tent, she lay down and closed her eyes. The delicate skin around them stung and burned, as did the tissues at the back of her nose and throat. More than that, she was bone-tired, but there was no escaping the words that kept circulating round her head.

_I've failed them. I've failed them. I've failed them._

For every one she saved, how many died? They just kept on dying, no matter what she did. Every loss was as painful to her as the loss of a loved one. How could she go on? Nobody was meant to withstand this sort of agony.

_Will it never end?_

"-I think she's in shock."

"She hasn't slept for almost two nights, remember. Just let her lie down for half an hour, for pity's sake."

"All right, Koshou. That wasn't a criticism"

"…Did she tell you? Youko thinks that this was deliberate arson."

The sound of a breath sucked in. "Really?"

"Do you think she's reading too much into it? I mean, this is tragic but… things like this happen. It's cruel but true."

"You really think that's all there is to it?"

"You know what she's like. She hates unfairness."

"And the youma?"

"She had an attack a few days ago. With Kou the way it's in, it's not exactly unexpected."

"We should save judgement until we've seen the city for ourselves. For now, just concentrate on getting the people to shelter and medicine. Everything else can wait."

Youko opened her eyes and stared at the roof of the tent. This was too much, all it. One more moment of being stuck in this airless tent, and she would go mad.

None of them noticed her slipping out through the flap.

* * *

Hankyo rose above the town, growling at the foul smoky air.

"I know," she said, "I'm sorry."

It was just as she'd thought. From here the town looked like a macabre dartboard, each concentric circle of the town more damaged than the one before.

"Who would do this?" she murmured.

"Empress?"

She sat up straight. The others could call this an accident all they liked, but her instincts were screaming at her otherwise. Her soldiers talked of a sixth sense, a developed intuition given by battle, an uneasiness in the chest and the back of the neck. The same sense was telling her that something wasn't right.

"This was no accident. But who would destroy their own town? It must have been an outsider."

"Someone from another city?"

Her eyes travelled to the horizon. "If there's one good thing that has come out of all this strife over the past few years, it's that the people of Kei are more unified than ever. We support each other. It brings out the compassion in people. No, I don't believe this was done by people from Kei. What would they gain from it? It can't be to get my attention like the Wa Province rebellion. I have a reputation as a listening Empress now."

"Then you think… a foreigner?"

She thought for a moment, calculating the risks. Finally she set her resolve and nodded.

"Hankyo, head south. We're going to Kou."

"This is not a good idea. It's too dangerous."

"No. I can defend myself, and there's nothing wrong about going into a foreign country by myself. One skinny girl, her hinman and a borrowed youma don't exactly qualify as an army."

"The master will not be happy."

"The master isn't here, is he? Besides, being Empress is my job, not his."

"…Very well."

* * *

She couldn't explain how she knew… but somehow she did. A shiver ran up and down her spine as they soared over the border between Kei and Kou.

The difference was stark, and immediately evident. Kei, although not quite the lush green of En, was slowly beginning to look healthier, like a fading bruise. The contrast between it and Kou was almost comical, a caricature. The land itself looked strangely brittle, all dried up and shrivelled. At this time of year, the fields should have been bursting with crops, yet she could only spot a few straggling farms, their land splotched with the odd blot of muddy green.

"It's gotten worse," she said in horror. "I didn't think it could happen, but it's actually worse since I left, six years ago."

"Such is the fate of a kingdom without an Emperor."

"…If I'd have left my country to her own fate and gone home to Hourai - this would have been Kei's fate, wouldn't it?"

"Your Highness is performing a great deed just by occupying the throne. A country without a king is like a bird without wings. It cannot feed itself, protect itself, or move on into happiness."

"Hankyo- the town there. Take me down."

The town –more of a glorified village, really- was almost entirely empty, but for a few tents and two children splashing half-heartedly in a dried-up river, up to their knees in mud. Youko took one look at it and longed to pull them out. She shuddered to think of the diseases such a thing must be carrying.

"Excuse me, mister?"

An old man opened his eyes and looked up at her from his seat on his porch.

"Yes, lad. Passing through?"

"Yes, I suppose. Where is everyone? Does everyone in this town work in the fields all summer?"

He snorted. "What fields? We don't have enough water to drink ourselves, let alone to give to crops. As for the people- in a town this close to the border, where do you think they've all gone? I guess we're lucky to be so close. Most of the emigrants end up dying of thirst or eaten by youma before they get across. Even the youma don't have enough to eat! Maybe if we get lucky, they'll move to Kei too!" He wheezed. She leant forward to help, but he slapped her away.

"You sound naive. City lad? Wealthy parents? You'd better get yourself to Kei quick, or else go home. There's nothing for your kind here."

"My kind?"

"Aye. You fat cats who can pay the water taxes."

"What? Water taxes?"

"What, you thought the warlords just give away our water because at heart, they're a bunch of soft-hearted lovelies who like fluffy kittens? You really are a young fool. When there's so little to go around, of course the warlords are going to sell it off to the highest bidders. You gotta pay them just to draw a bucket out from the wells."

"What?"

"Can't you say anything else? What, what, what. Go home, unless you're not finished gawking for the day."

He coughed and spat, just missing her feet, then shuffled indoors.

"It can't be," she said to herself, horrified. "What about the provisional government?"

"Corrupt." Said a voice behind her. Youko turned around.

The speaker was a girl of about nineteen, dressed in a dirty shift of indeterminable colour. She held a small boy in her arms. Shirtless, his ribs showed through his sunburnt skin.

"They pull every string they can to get food and luxuries for their own use," she continued. "They already know that once a new Emperor is chosen, they'll be denounced for their sins and negligence, like what happened in Kei a few years back. So what's to stop them in the mean time?"

"But surely not all of the ministers could be corrupt! There must have been some opposition?"

"You're forgetting what kind of man our last Emperor was. What kind of tyrants do you think he employed, to keep his people in order?"

"But-"

"Yes, there were a few who tried. Some of them fought back. The provisional government handed them over to the warlords as a gesture of good faith, to be allowed to keep their privileged positions. The others fled with their families. They're hiding in Sou or Kei now."

"They just abandoned their people?"

"What else could they do? They would have died if they had stayed. Some of them have families to protect."

Youko's eyes travelled to the little boy. "Is he your brother? Why haven't you gone to Kei yet?"

The girl jerked her head to the tents. "My mother is sick – she's been eating bad food and giving all the good stuff to us. She's too ill to move. I'm not going without her."

"The only people left here are the sick?"

"The sick, the old and the kids. All the border towns are apparently like this. You'd probably find more people in one of the cities."

Youko paused for a moment. "These…warlords…you spoke of. Who are they?"

The girls eyed darkened. "Who are you? You never told me your name."

"I'm…Chuu Youshi. From Gosou."

"From Gosou and you don't know about the warlords? Either you're too rich and pampered for your own good, or you're a spy, trying to trick me into treachery. You are, aren't you? Spy!"

"No, you've got it wrong!"

The girl backed away, clutching her brother tightly. Hatred was etched onto her face. "Well, I haven't done anything wrong! You can't take me away! You can't crucify me!"

"No!" gasped Youko, horrified. "I'd never…I'm not…!"

The girl span around and pelted for the tents. "Spy!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs. Voices began to rise throughout the town.

"Empress…" came at voice at her feet.

"I know. Time to leave."

She pummelled the hard ground under her feet, clouds of dust and dry earth rising to make her cough. The soil was so riddled with desiccation cracks that it seemed it might break and send her falling into hell.

She ducked into an alley and leapt onto Hankyo's back. As they rose above the town, an arrow whistled by underneath.

"Get out of range!" she shouted, flat against the shirei's back. Hankyo obligingly ran higher into the sky, to the shocked cries of the people below.

"Such bitterness," Youko muttered. "It wasn't like this before."

"A lot can happen in six years," said Hankyo, heading north.

"Yes," she whispered. "You're right."


	9. Kind Strangers

**A/N - *slinks in quietly and sits down in the back row***

**What? What are you looking at me like that for? I never left! I was here the whole time!**

**OK, OK, sorry for the long wait. It's been a stressful time lately. Looks like the next few months will be quieter, though. Thank you all, so much, for staying with me. I'm so grateful that despite everything, people are sticking around, reading and reviewing, and being so supportive. You give me persistence to do this even when times are rough and my mind is a complete blank. Thank you.**

**On another note, I finally got around to doing what I should have done months ago -fixing all the problems in the last few chapters. I think you will find that kick-ass Youko has finally triumphed over her whiny side in _Bloodstained_. Shouryuu is being a manly man again. I also went back and lengthened _Glass_ with some extra fluffiness which was supposed to be in _Silk Uncertain_ but got cut out.**

**It's good to be back. :)**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

**Kind Strangers**

Youko sat back and closed her eyes, a sigh of relief rippling through her entire body. She felt in the core of her body that they'd just passed into Kei again, and that knowledge soothed a part of her that she hadn't realised was coiled with tension. Kakuno passed underneath, a black blotch against the land in the bright morning sunlight. It looked like a pile of crumbled soot beneath the smoke cloud, thinning at last.

Youko turned her head aside and watched the bright fields go by, a green patchwork bisected by the road and bordered with a silver ribbon of river. Enho had once told her that an Empress' people are her family. She needs no other. She felt the truth of it now, and knew that she would be mourning these dead for years.

"Highness."

"Yes, Hankyo?"

"I think a person on the ground is trying to get your attention."

Youko leaned over his neck and squinted. There _was_ someone, by the side of the main road, frantically waving their arms above their head.

"Land over there."

"Highness, it could be dangerous."

"Or it could be one of the Kakuno people on the way to Harusou. They might be injured. If so, it's our duty to help them. But if they're injured, why didn't they leave with the refugees? Go on, Hankyo."

"By your command."

They descended quickly, the air blowing hard against her face and snatching strands of hair loose from her braid. Hankyo landed smoothly, not needing to spend his momenum in a run. The figure was crouched on the roadside, leaning over a pile of dark cloth.

"Are you all right?" Youko called out. "Do you need help?"

The figure spun around. "Help me!" she rasped.

* * *

Hankyo flew at full speed to the northeast, Youko bent over his neck with the injured child tightly in her arms, her own cloak wrapped around him to keep the wind away. His guardian, the woman, clutched Youko's waist.

"What happened?" Youko yelled over her shoulder, her words snatched away almost immediately.

"I found him on the road a little way back. He was injured in Kakuno. For some reason, he didn't go with the soldiers when they were offering rides to Harusou. It was lucky that I was delayed and found him. I stayed behind to treat wounds."

The boy –about nine years old- murmured something. Youko bent over to listen.

"My parents," the boy whispered. "I don't want to go without them. I can't find them. Where are they?"

Her stomach twisted in empathy. "He's injured?"

"Burned, very badly. He was barely lucid when I found him. Stumbling around, almost worn off his feet. He needs medical attention, this is completely out of my league. I think he's inhaled a lot of smoke, too."

"We're almost at Harusou. He just needs to hold on a little bit longer."

Within a few minutes, Hankyo was dropping towards the city, the streets racing up to meet them. They came to a sharp stop outside the refugee encampment, just inside the southern gate.

"Help me, please!" shouted the woman, waving to a doctor standing outside the tent they were using as a hospital ward. His clothes were stiff with dried blood, and exhaustion was obvious in the set of his eyes and mouth. Nevertheless, he came towards them without a second of hesitation. The woman slid from Hankyo's back and took the boy when Youko passed him down to her.

Youko could only watch, helpless, as they disappeared without her. She sighed. She understood the emergency but a little gratitude would have been nice.

She dismounted from Hankyo, rubbing his nose while he panted. "Thanks," she said tiredly. " Looks like there's nothing more we can do here for a while."

"Does Your Highness mean to rejoin her men?"

Youko suddenly became very interested in studying the sky. "Well..."

"They are doubtless worrying about Your Highness."

She winced. "Shouryuu's going to kill me. I suppose I have to face them sooner or later, but surely I don't have to run off straight away?" She looked down the street. "Besides, I want to ask around and see how the Kakuno people are doing. And I've never even been to Harusou before..."

"Very well." The shirei faded from sight, leaving her alone on the street. She coiled her braid up into a knot and tied her black neckscarf over it to hide the colour. No sense in advertising.

Stomach rumbling (she'd skipped both breakfast and lunch), she bought a bowl of noodle soup for herself, perching on a low wall to eat it. She watched the world go by as she slurped ramen. Harusou wasn't a bad town by any standards. There were several construction projects going on within her sightline, and the shops were bustling with trade. Shopkeepers filled the air with sound as they denounced their neighbours' prices and offered the best wares in the kingdom. It was the chaos of peace, and it had a decidedly soothing effect on her frayed nerves.

Her curiosity piqued, she took a little wander around the city. It wouldn't hurt to put off responsibility for half an hour more, would it? Despite everything, she found her mood lightening. The main streets were soundly paved in grey stone, the houses rose several stories and looked snug and well-kept. Everything was painted in a range of bright colours, and the eaves were nicely carved. The people seemed well and happy, and few wore clothes that were visibly darned or patched.

"Well," she murmured to herself, "it's not En but it'll do for now."

She leant on the railings of an arched bridge over a little stream, seeking relief from the noon heat beneath a willow.

"I was hoping to see you again," a voice said behind her.

Youko whirled, hand on hilt. She blinked when she saw the woman from the road. The stranger leant back against the willow, arms crossed against her chest. Youko immediately noticed her battered leather armour and unadorned weaponry. A mercenary?

The woman's eyes widened. "Merciful Tentei, but you're young! I mistook you for a soldier. You can't be in the army, surely."

Youko smiled despite herself. "I'm not in the army. I guess you could call me an occasional warrior, when the situation requires. Believe it or not, I'm almost twenty-three. I have a post in the government."

The woman sighed. "I feel old."

Youko took in her appearance for the first time. She couldn't be past her mid-thirties. She was tall and lithe, built like a rapier with skin bronzed dark, and slightly creased around the eyes. She wore her long hair tied back into an old-copper-green tail. With one glance, Youko knew she had earned the scratches on her armour.

The woman knew when she was being scrutinised. She looked back with a calm grey gaze.

"I'm sorry I'm not a prettier sight for those tired eyes of yours," she said with a wry smile. The movement distorted her face, and with shock, Youko noticed a long, pale scar running diagonally from the bridge of her nose towards her left ear. Someone had aimed at her eye and missed.

Despite it, she wasn't an unattractive woman. Nobody would truthfully call her a beauty- there was too much strength and experience in the lines of her- but she was handsome in the kind of way that a very old, battered house is. There was something very pleasant about her face and mouth, and her hair gleamed the most unusual colours. Her mouth seemed built to smile, the kind that never forgets how, even after witnessing the most terrible atrocities.

"Forgive me my manners," she continued, unperturbed. "I haven't been in refined company for a while. Here I am, meaning to thank you, and I haven't even introduced myself."

She gave a short bow. "Sen Shihua-"

"How do you write that?" asked Youko, instantly curious.

"Oh?"

"Sorry. I'm Chuu Youshi. Azana of Youko." She bowed back.

"After the Empress? There are a lot of girls choosing that name nowadays."

"What?"

"Sekishi is gaining popularity. Women are hoping that maybe a little of the courage and intelligence will rub off with the name. Although if everyone starts choosing names from Hourai, we'll have a very strange population."

"If everyone was as compassionate as you, we'd have a blessed population indeed. Not everyone would stop to help an injured child with such determination."

"How pessimistic for a youngster," Shihua said. "You must have met some right pieces of work."

"Yes" she replied quietly. She looked up and tried to smile weakly. "Are you going to be okay? Do you have relatives nearby?"

"No. Haven't got any relatives anywhere." For a moment, her mouth tightened, pulling at the scar. Then she smoothed it down. Youko got the impression that she was every bit as in control of herself as her kirin was.

"Don't you worry about me. Kakuno wasn't even my home town. I was just picking up some work there. Sold stationary supplies. Brushes, paper, seals and the like. Not a huge loss."

"How did you get out?" she asked quietly.

Shihua dropped her gaze. "I was running errands, early before the shop opened. I was going to the blacksmith – we had a deal with him, we'd buy the soot from his chimney, to mix with glue to make ink sticks. The forge was right on the outskirts of town, to service traveller's horses. Pure luck and nothing more."

Her voice grew quieter. "They were good people, the couple I worked for. Dead, now."

"I'm sorry for your loss...How is the boy?"

"The boy is fine. The doctors managed to clean out his lungs somehow, and now he just needs rest. He has an aunt in Ei Province he can go to. His parents didn't make it."

"What will you do?"

"Oh, don't worry about me. I've already got a job in the archery school around the corner."

"Already?" Youko asked, astonished. "You sure don't waste time."

Shihua winked. "One shot and they had to have me. I have that effect on men."

"You can really set up a whole new life, that easily?" she said doubtfully.

"I'm used to it. I'm a traveller, and in fact, I should be getting back to work. If you'll excuse me?"

Before Youko could formulate an answer, she had bowed and turned to go.

"Wait!" she shouted after her. "Where are you from?"

Shihua turned back, an unfathomable look in those steel-coloured eyes. A lovely colour. Lovely like the flash of light on a thrown knife.

"Here and there," she said. "Everywhere. But... if you want the short answer, I was born in Agan. In Kou."

She nodded, like a salute, and disappeared into the crowd.

Youko watched her go.

"An inkmaker," she murmured to Hankyou under her breath. "An inkmaker about business in the early hours of the morning. An inkmaker with just enough time to drop everything and run for her life."

"Your Highness?"

She looked down at him. "Where then, Hankyou, did she get the armour and sword?"

She looked down the street, through the swirling throngs of people about their lives.

"Who are you, Sen Shihua?"

* * *

"Are you still not talking to me?"

Koshou shot her a very pointed glare.

"I'll take that as a no, then."

"Don't you joke about this. You can't just run off like that whenever you want to. You have a duty, and responsibilities. It was fortunate that General Kantai was here to take command of the soldiers- how else were we supposed to explain away you disappearing like that?"

"I'm sorry, Koshou."

"And what about me? If you vanish and get yourself into trouble, I'm the one who's going to get the blame. I'm your bodyguard! Kantai's going to eat my guts for dinner when we get back. Speakin' of Kantai, he'll want a word with you too. Had to spin up some story about you leaving to scout for people who'd run off into the wilderness."

"...That's a good point. Do you think anyone might have run off before we came? Maybe they're hurt - we should send out a search party!"

Koshou smacked the front of his saddle in frustration. "Youko. Focus."

"Sorry."

"In any case, I've already organised it. I'm trying to tell you something important, so will you just listen for once? You can't run off and leave us behind. Playing the hero might be satisfying for your noble side, but you need people at your back. What happens if you get yourself killed? Putting yourself in danger or vanishing on us is the most selfish thing you can do. In any case, it's never good to act rashly in the heat of the moment. You have lots of clever officers with decades of experience, so get that thought into your pretty little head, understand?"

"Yes, Koshou,"

His shoulders slumped visibly. "Good," he said with obvious relief. "Telling an Empress off makes me nervous."

The sun had set long ago. Lights twinkled beneath the feet of their running mounts. As though some dreamscape, the land shimmered like diamonds sewn onto black velvet.

Youko shivered and pulled her hood further over her head. It had also started raining heavily a few hours ago. The summer humidity had finally broken, too swollen and sweaty to keep holding on any longer. It had put her in a foul mood.

"Where were you this morning?" she muttered bitterly. A raindrop burst on the tip of her nose and spat flecks of water into her eyes. She blinked tiredly. Gyouten was coming up on the horizon, a large patch of intricate embroidery on the night. It felt as though she had been away from home forever.

"You'll get yourself off to sleep, won't you? You're not going to stay up all night plotting?"

"Koshou, I'm about to fall out of my saddle."

"What do you say we forget sword practice tomorrow morning? Or is it this morning by now?"

She managed a faint smile, not that he could see it in the damp gloom. "Good idea. I need some time to think, anyway."

"And to sleep. Don't forget sleep."

They landed on one of the platforms jutting out from the side of Mt. Gyouten. Attendants rushed out with oiled paper umbrellas and lamps shuttered to protect them from the wet. There were large puddles all over the rock floor, reflecting the light back and half-illuminating everyone's faces. One of the servants peered up at her face before starting with surprise and bowing.

"It's the Empress," Youko heard murmured discreetly. "The Empress is back." The other attendants bowed low before opening the door to her.

She wearily climbed all those godforsaken steps up to the palace - which smartass decided to build her home up here, anyway? - frowning at the marble pillars and the gilded doors. Her footsteps echoed in the empty halls. The palace seemed to ring with the ghosts of everyday noise and bustle.

"Lady Youko" came a voice as she pushed open the door to her private chambers.

"Gyoukuyou? Why are you up so late? You didn't have to wait up for me."

"It's my job to take care of you" the woman looked anxiously at her. She was still in her day clothes, hair still immaculate. Youko felt a half-smile emerge at that. Nothing could flap Gyoukuyou.

"Thank you."

"Let me fetch you a towel and something clean to wear to bed. I suppose you're too tired to take a bath now, although we'll have to wash your hair in the morning to get out the smell of smoke..." Gyoukuyou continued to chatter as she moved around the room. Youko lowered her eyelids to listen as she poured herself a cup of tea from the pot kept perpetually hot and fresh on the side table. It was funny how you came to treaure the little things as you grew up. Even something as simple as the voice of a kind person could become one of the most welcoming things in the world.

"...Master Rakushun, although you'll probably want to listen to that later-"

"What?"

Gyoukuyou guestered to a pretty blue-and-white bird sitting on a perch in the corner of the room. "Master Rakushun sent you a message this afternoon."

"Oh? Let's listen to it now. I could do with hearing his voice."

Gyoukuyou smiled. "Yes, I though you'd say that." She held out the small bag of silver seed. Youko picked a grain from the glittering pile and crossed the room to the seichou's perch. It opened its beak and let her feed it the dainty morsel.

_"Youko,"_ came Rakushun's voice. _"I just heard about the fire. I'm so sorry. I know how you must be feeling right now."_

She sat down at her table, cradling her cup in both hands and letting the warmth seep through the fine china. Gyoukuyou settled down across from her.

_"I'm sure you'll deal with it in your own way. You'll find something in this disaster to comfort the people. If nothing else, you'll be their solace yourself. You have a gift for bringing hope with you wherever you go. I wanted to remind you not to forget that._

_"Don't feel guilty, Youko, about what you can't do right now. There are always limits on what we're capable of. All we can do is try our hardest, and muddle through somehow. You just don't have the luxury of asking for help, I suppose. You have to be strong for all of us. That must be a terrible burden."_ He cleared his throat self-consciously. _"Just focus on what you can do, right now, and do everything you can to pull that off. Then move on to the next little thing, and the next. And remember that you're not entirely alone. Please don't lose faith in yourself, now of all times._

_"That's just some advice from me, understand. I, eh, I thought you could use some, maybe, but then what do I know? Anyway, Kei is growing into a good place. Well done. Oh, I didn't mean it like that."_ She could almost see him furiously stroking his whiskers as he tried to find the right thing to say.

_"There are a lot worse places. Look at Kou. What a mess. To be honest, I'm really worried about my mother. She's all alone over there. I might go back home for a bit and try to convince her to stay in Kei until Kou is back on her feet, although who knows how long that's going to take. I can't stop worrying that something is going to happen to her. But whenever I try to tell her that, she sends me back a message saying what a good son I am to worry and that she's fine."_ Rakushun sighed. _"I suppose I'll talk to you soon, Youko. I enjoyed seeing you at the festival last night. I'm looking forward to your next anniverasary! And the one after that, and the one after that."_

Youko sat still a little while after he said his goodbyes and the seichou closed its beak. Gyoukuyou undid her plaited hair, rubbing it with a towel.

"My mother always said that no matter how bad things get, if you have good people around you, things are never as bleak as they seem," she said softly. "Especially if those people are important to you. There is nothing more important or precious in the world than people and love. Those are the only two things our souls really need."

"Your mother was a wise woman." Youko got up and gently touched her fingertips to Gyoukuyou's shoulder as the servant unstrapped her armour. "I'll be all right now. I can undress myself. You go and get some rest."

"If you're sure, Lady Youko. Forgive me, but... are you feeling all right?"

"Please tell the guards that nobody is to enter."

Gyoukuyou sighed. "As you wish. I'll ask them to turn everyone away but the Taiho."

"No. Not even Keiki."

"But, Lady Youko, you always allow-"

"Nobody, please."

There was a pause. "Yes, Your Majesty."

Youko closed her eyes and listened to the receding footsteps. Then she seized her sword, flinging in to the ground. It bounced backwards on the tip, hopping away like a cowed maid before hitting the rug with a muffled clang.

* * *

"Shu-jou! Shu-jou!"

He hit the door, more in frustration than any hope of response.

"Shu-jou! Please, let me in." He could feel the curious, alarmed stares of the guards on his back. He looked up at the sheer expanse of doorway, dark and heavy. He could feel her on the other side.

He'd asked his servants to wake him the moment she returned. Not that he'd gotten a lot of sleep anyway. But why would she shut him out when she never had before? Why tonight of all nights? What had she seen that had affected her so? Whatever it was, she had seen it without him by her side to offer what comfort he could.

"Shu-jou, I beg of you. Please."

Eyes closed, he waited for answer that never came. He laid a palm on the wood.

"Please. You're scaring me."

_Is it happening again?_

"Shu-jou!"

The door opened inwards and he almost fell through in surprise.

"Shu-jou?"

Her eyes were red and sore. Was that from tears, or from the smoke? He could smell it on her, thick and cloying. There was the scent of death on her too, of charred human skin and hopelessness and there was blood, and fear, and suffering... He felt the nausea swim through his head.

"...Keiki?"

"You wouldn't open the door."

"I was asleep."

Guiltily, he noticed that she was indeed in her sleeping clothes beneath the light silk robe she held closed, her arms wrapped tight around her waist. Her hair was loose in disarray around her shoulders.

"May I come in?"

She hesitated, clearly uncomfortable.

"If only for a moment."

She sighed. "Yes. All right."

She stood back and let him enter. As soon as the door was closed and the guards couldn't hear them, she said, "I ordered them not to let you in for a reason."

"...You desired me to stay away from you?" A cold stream of misery went through him.

"I must smell terrible to you."

"Yes, you do."

She looked down and gathered her hair over one shoulder, twisting it into a thick rope.

"Or rather, it is not you who gives the scent. I can smell the pain and sorrow you carry upon your skin."

"Will you be very ill tomorrow?"

"I am more concerned about your welfare. You do not look well."

She rubbed her eyes with a sleeve. There were dark circles beneath them. "Every time I close my eyes, the nightmares begin. They change. Sometimes I'm trapped in a burning building. Sometimes...I stopped by the doctor's tents before I left Harusou. It was - it was horrific. I keep seeing the burns, and the limbs hanging off, and the bandages already bleeding through-" She took a deep breath, aware that she was babbling.

He thought deeply for a moment, weighing his decision.

"You are not all right."

She smiled bleakly.

"I can...I can do something for this" He stretched out his fingers towards her forehead "I think. Will you let me try?"

She stared at him. "You shouldn't be with me. You'll make yourself sick. You've already turned ashen."

"You are making yourself far sicker than I."

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply again. "All right. If you would. Please."

"You will need to...lie down."

She stood fidgeting for a moment, curling her fingers around the edges of her robe. Slowly, one by one, she let them slacken, and pulled the silk overrobe from her shoulders. Her sleeping robes were perfectly modest, but he understood. He would feel nervous too.

The sleeves ended at her elbows, loose and soft. He almost smiled. That was the new fashion nowadays. She had started it by asking for all the sleeves on her clothes to be shortened so that they wouldn't get in her way, or fall in her food or ink. Now all the court ladies copied her. She rubbed one bare, brown forearm and glanced up at him, biting the corner of her lower lip, before shuffling off to her bed.

He followed silently, watching her arrange herself, crossing her bare ankles one over the other, rearranging her hands over her waist.

"Would you like-" he gestured to the blanket folded at the foot of the bed.

"Um. No thanks. It's far too hot for that. None of my blankets are light enough, so I'd rather go without."

"Yes. You sleep with all the windows open."

"Yes."

He hovered by her bedside before working up the courage to sit down on the edge of the mattress. He gently leaned over her.

"Try to relax."

"What - what are you doing?"

"Look deep into my eyes. Try not to blink too much."

He put one arm over on the other side of her body so he could lean in without hurting his back. With the other he brushed aside her fringe, laying his forehead againt hers. She was trembling slightly.

"Breath deeply and slowly. Let all your tension go."

"Keiki. What are you doing?"

"I...have never tried this before, but it should work."

"You- why not? What do you mean you have never done this before?"

He reached deep inside of himself, to that core, the softly glowing core, where he felt the truth of his being. The part that he called upon to change, or to open the gate between worlds. Closing his eyes, ignoring the feel of warm breath on his cheek, he called up the light in his forehead. When he opened his eyes again, they were gold and bright with it. He stared deep into her green eyes, wrapping her in the light and the warmth and the gentleness inside of him, until he couldn't tell green from gold, and they'd melded together into the colour of high summer.

Eventually he realised that her chest beneath his was rising and falling with steady rhythm, and that her eyelids had slipped closed. The afterimage of emerald dazzled his vision for a few more moments as he blinked it away.

He looked down at her. Perhaps the blankets were too hot for her, but it didn't seem right to leave her exposed like this. He went to fetch her overrobe, from where she'd left it limp over the back of a chair.

He went to drape it over her, but stopped. He stared at her brown feet. It wouldn't cover them. He looked back and for hopelessly between the feet and the robe.

It wouldn't do. Her feet might get cold.

He thought for a minute, then took off his own overrobe and laid it lightly over her sleeping form. Quietly as ever, he sat back down at her side. When he'd put her to sleep, he'd chased heaven's light right to the corners of her mind. The kirin was a creature of purity and cleansing. He hoped, perhaps, that it would free her from her nightmares and give her some rest.

But what if it didn't work? He struggled with the idea before deciding to sit with her a little while, to see if his improvised treatment would be effective.

He'd neglected her in the past, trying to avoid leading her into the same old traps. But in doing so he'd left her with no support. How was he supposed to tell her that what he had done, he had done out of kindness? He had been openly affectionate with Yo-Ou because he knew, in his heart, that she would soon fade anyway. All he could do was give her some scrap of happiness while she was still with him. This new Empress, though, was different. She would last, and learn to pick herself up whenever she fell. He had to give her that chance.

Perhaps he couldn't sing her a lullaby or give the best advice. He was unsure how to soothe her troubled spirits, did not know how to give her hope. He couldn't physically take her into his arms and comfort her that way. There was no solace in his voice, precious little in his smiles, and even less in his manner.

But he might be able to give her a night of peaceful sleep.

She made a small sound and moved onto her side, one arm beneath her head. She looked very young, very small, very fragile. He automatically reached over to pull the robe over her back, and after a moment's thought, didn't move away.


	10. Shades of Grey

**A/N Again, thank you so much to all my reviewers. You guys make me alternately laugh and go teary-eyed and it's wonderful. Thank you. I really want to keep the characters as they are in the canon, so any advice is really treasured, honestly.**

**I've had some questions about the novels, so in case you didn't know - yes, the series does go on past the anime. Most of the books aren't translated from the Japanese yet, but there are free fan translations. The one that this story references often is _The Shore in Twilight_, which continues the Youko and Taiki arcs. Eugene Woodbury had earnt my eternal gratitude by translating it for free on his site, so go google him. Go do it now. The story will make so much more sense and you'll meet Mr and Mrs Fabulous for the first time. I fell off my chair with laughter when I got to that part. :D**

**I have to say, I'm delighted that we've gotten past all the fluff! We're getting into the meaty part now. Welcome to the story proper! Sorry it's taking so long, but this story requires rather a lot of research to pull off. XD**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

**Shades of Grey**

Something cool dabbed at her face. Instinctively knowing that it was too early for her liking, Youko groaned and tried to turn away. The enchanted sleep lay heavily on her, not unpleasant, but hard to shake off.

"Wake up," commanded a voice she didn't expect to hear. "There's going to be a meeting, and my princess and I have to leave soon."

"Han….Ou? What are you doing in my bedroom?"

He raised one exquisitely arched eyebrow. "As if you'd have listened to a servant. Besides, I was feeling left out."

"I'm really not in the mood. Kindly remove yourself from my chambers."

"I could send Shouryuu to drag you out of bed instead."

She winced. "No thanks."

She raised herself up onto her elbows, shaking slightly. She had a headache, and her face felt gritty and sore, her insides strangely empty. Han-Ou made a fussing sound and slid an extra cushion behind her back.

"Look up," he said sternly. She blinked at him and something that stung fell into her eye.

"Oww! Ow – what was –oww!" She flinched back, hands crossed defensively in front of her face, as something dropped into the other eye as well.

"Typical blockhead warrior. Never taking care of yourself. I – _don't rub your eyes_ – I was sent these by the Emperor of Ren. Made from his own medicinal herb gardens. Very nice fellow, though his idea of ornamentation seems to consist of grass stains and mud… there, your eyes look brighter already."

She curled her fists into her blankets, trying to resist the impulse to claw at her watering eyes. Though the pain was now fading, her itchy eyes feeling cooler and less sore.

As he corked the blue glass bottle, she remembered his earlier words.

"Wait, you're leaving? Now?" Real disappointment crept into her tone. One either loved or hated the Emperor of Han, but there was no denying that he and his kirin always livened things up a bit.

"Soon. I do have a kingdom of my own to take care of. Not all of us can loaf around all the time like one Emperor I could mention. Besides," he continued in a tone of the greatest solemnity, "without me they all might start wearing _beige_."

She managed a weak smile for the sake of friendship.

"I'll be sad to see you go. But what's this meeting about?" She trailed off as he started patting her face dry with a cloth. From the look of it, he'd been daubing her face with some sort of cleanser whilst she slept.

"You'll see. You look absolutely awful," he sighed. "All ashen and wasted."

"Thanks ever so."

"I believe there's nothing more I can do for you. We'll have to dress you in something that will put some colour back into-"

"Out" she said firmly.

"Please tell me you have something in caramel or burnt orange. But, well, in an Imperial suite this tasteless…"

"Sir, please stop casting aspersions on my palace décor and just _go_."

She sat up and something slithered to the floor. She glanced down and saw a pile of vividly coloured silks by her feet.

"What the-"

Han-Ou bent down and retrieved a midnight-blue bolt, holding it up to her face when he thought she wasn't looking.

"Nothing," he said calmly.

"Is that a tape measure?"

He gave a courteous bow, snatching up the rest of the silk and sweeping out of the room, passing a surprised Gyoukuyou bearing a bowl of rice gruel.

Youko smiled crookedly.

"Silly old man," she said softly. "Trying to take my mind off things."

"Your Majesty?"

"Call me Youko, Gyoukuyou. I've told you so many times."

The woman smiled in relief, setting the bowl on the table in the centre of the room.

Youko frowned in confusion as she picked up the last piece of cloth lying on the bed, sober black. It looked awfully like one of her kirin's over-robes. Perhaps he had left it there last night.

"This isn't mine, is it?"

"I believe it is the Taiho's. I've prepared a bath for you, Lady Youko. You'll feel better about meeting with all those guests once you're clean."

* * *

Keiki desperately needed some time to think, and so he took the long way through the palace grounds.

The Imperial Gardens had been built to exact specifications long ago, to be a retreat for the ruling monarch. How many dynasties had risen and fallen alongside those twisting walkways, none could say. The gardens had remained virtually unchanged for millennia, but for the replacement of dead plants and sowing of new flowers – but these are like changing a broken clasp on an antique necklace. The overall object retains its history.

Well.

She had changed things a bit - but then, what area of palace life had escaped unscathed the touch of the Empress Sekishi and her grand ideas? On his left were the bamboo groves, leading into the winter garden. Bamboo was a staple in any Imperial garden, symbolising strength and resilience. As here, it was often seen with pine trees, the older the better, a token of longevity. Both neatly summed up the ideal of a monarch. Perhaps that was meant as a little hint.

The gardeners had been in uproar for a while after she'd asked them to plant groves of plum trees in that garden - imagine changing this ancient treasure! She'd mentioned some Kan idea called the 'three friends of winter' that nobody understood. Any protests of Keiki's own had fallen when she'd taken him to see the result of her artistry last winter.

The plum trees were blossoming. Snow crunched underfoot and dusted them lightly from above, and all was hushed. He had found himself marvelling how slowly blossoms float down from their heavily laden branches, and how similar to falling snow they seemed, until distinguished by the latter melting in red hair.

All was forgiven. Although she'd taken to muttering about "cherry blossoms like the ones in Tokyo", whatever that meant.

The original proliferation of paths and elegantly roofed walkways, the curving bridges, sudden pagodas and tumbling streams had been made with one very clear purpose in mind – to grant the Emperor or Empress relief from their oppressive life and bring them back to nature, to the land itself which they had been given to govern. The nature of the gardens forced the walker to stay in the moment as they navigated its lanes and grottoes. Even if the viewer was distracted or worried, the sudden changes in scenery and gorgeous vistas would shock them into thinking about nothing but the garden. Thus peace and relief from the mundane world were thrust upon the viewer whether they liked it or not.

Well. That was the plan, at least.

His master had taken to using the gardens as her very own pacing circuit. Firstly, he presumed, because the paths were so extensive and quiet, but also because they were too narrow to admit more than one person abreast, and so labyrinthine that nobody but him could ever find her once she'd disappeared into them. He'd lost count of the times he'd been sent on search-and-recover missions by the Chousai or the Taishi, only to find her daydreaming in a small, basket-like pavilion perched by the side of a waterfall, having completely lost track of the time.

He glanced down at the path, geometric patterns in light and dark limestone pebbles. She paced them so often, they'd be worn down to bowl-like hollows within a century.

The weather was back to being sticky, sickly humid – so cloying that in felt like breathing in hot rice porridge. Surely it must break within an hour or two. The sky was woollen and heavy with moisture. He'd organised the meeting in her summer office, in the hopes that snatched breezes might keep tempers cool.

They'd unearthed the summer office about a year ago. She'd been so delighted when they stumbled across th deserted resthouse on an old map of the grounds, he'd suffered to be dragged on the expedition to hunt it down. After one feeble mention that an office in the gardens somewhat defeated the purpose of the entire park, he'd had it dusted down and filled with the appropriate furniture as a kind of gift to her for all her hard work

The view through the moongate showed a leafy courtyard pillared in banyans garlanded with vines, and bordered in neat thickets of tall bamboo. Outside it, a flowering species of holly tree added a splash of yellow flowers beside the winged roof sweeping heavenwards. He slipped into the courtyard, nodded at the guards, and entered the gate to the left, into the Empress's office.

It only had three real walls. The first was split by the two massive wooden doors he'd entered by, usually kept open unless her security was called into question. The office itself could be called another courtyard, the central space tiled in dark limestone and filled with lotus pools to offer an illusion of coolness. The purple-blue flowers had light dancing over their petals, reflections from the water. Red dragonflies drifted from flower to flower.

The roof overhung the far wall, creating the actual office space. It curved dramatically at the corners, tiled in indigo except for under the eaves, where it was dark red. Round scarlet lanterns bobbed from the edge.

Kei-Ou looked up from her ornately carved desk as he entered. She was in the honour position directly opposite the gate, allowing her the safety of clearly seeing whoever was coming before they actually entered her office. She nodded to him, looking small and tired. She wore her comfort clothes – a dark orange blouse made of soft cotton, and a vest and trousers in light brown. Evidently she was too depressed to try any harder.

Arranged before her on matching chairs were all six of her guests, the Chousai, Taishi and Daiboku, as well as the Royal Scribe gently waving a fan over her friend. He took up his customary position at her side.

"Right," said Sekishi, her voice warning that she wasn't in the mood for any nonsense or manipulation. "What is all this about?"

Shouryuu leaned forwards to put his forearms on her desk. "This," he said intently, looking straight at her, "is about Kou. Or, more specifically, what you are _not_ going to do about Kou."

"Who said anything about Kou? I thought we were going to talk about Kakuno."

He dismissed the protest with a wave of his hand.

"We know you better than that. Kou is all you've been talking of these past days."

"We're sorry about Kakuno," added Gyousou. "Believe us. We earnestly feel your pain. But we are worried about the signs of obsession that you're beginning to show."

"I'm not-"

"Youko, I know it's hard. Ruling a country was never meant to be easy," added Hanrin, serious for once. "But your duty is not Kou. You owe Kou _nothing_. Kou expects _nothing_ from you. But what you _do_ have to worry about is Kei, a country that is really quite destitute and needs the full concentration of her Empress."

"So you're saying I should just let the people of Kou die?" snapped Sekishi, her small store of composure already worn out. "Don't you understand? Unless someone does something, there won't _be_ a Kou!"

"That is not your problem" said Shouryuu calmly.

She gave a short barking laugh. "So says the great meddler! Guess who put me on this very throne? Who helped to restore our guests from Tai, by _meddling_?"

"That was different."

"I fail to see how it is."

"Yes," snorted Enki, leaning back in his chair with his arms folded. "You do."

"What?"

"There are worlds of difference between the Kei and Tai cases, and the situation in Kou. Kei and Tai had hope. They had kirin and monarchs, who just needed a little help to regain their footing. They had working economies and not so great financial difficulty as to be unsolvable with the application of some generous loans and donations of surplus grain. Kou is … Kou has been in utter chaos for years. It's been slipping for _decades_. It has no ruler, and no hope of one since Kourin has not yet matured. Even if we did attempt something, the provisional government holds no sway over the people, and warlords and tyrants are running the place if our espionage networks are earning their lunch. Besides, a huge part of the problem is that Kou is ravaged by such numbers of youma and terrible natural disasters, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about that."

"Youko," said Gyousou. "There's nothing we can do. You have to let it go."

"No I don't," she said, eyes smouldering.

"No, she doesn't."

The whole group blinked and turned to stare at the speaker. Taiki sat quietly in his chair, hands folded neatly on his lap.

Gyousou looked down at him in confusion. "Kouri?"

"I don't see why it's so obviously to right thing to do, to let Kou die," Taiki explained, steel-coloured head held up high. "I do not see any difference between their dilemma and the one Tai was rescued from not so very long ago. Master Gyousou, both of us and untold numbers of our people would be dead without the intervention of our friends. I have been told that before our rescue, there were many who would have given up our case as hopeless."

Shouryuu and Keiki couldn't quite meet his eyes.

"Yet Naka- sorry- Empress Sekishi persuaded them to take that great chance on us. And here we sit today. So who are we to say what is and is not possible?"

"Kouri…"

Kei-Ou smiled faintly. "Thank you, Tai Taiho."

The looked deep into each other's eyes for a moment. The two of them had some kind of quiet tie between them, some bond of barely comprehensible but perfect understanding. It was slightly unsettling, and slightly inductive to envy.

"You can't risk Kei with such a gamble," Gyousou protested, eying the two of them with a troubled look in his red eyes.

"Yes I can. I am the only person who can."

Keiki finally spoke out. "Shu-jou," he said, leaning over her shoulder until he caught her gaze. "Please think about this."

Her eyes were almost too intense to bear. Beneath the resolve and conviction, there was a terrible glint of fear.

"I have," she said, voice steady and gentle. "It's all I've been thinking about for quite some time now."

"Shu-jou…"

"Listen to me for a moment, Keiki. And the rest of you."

She stood and looked them all in the eye.

"We are Emperors and kirin. We are, in the bitter truth of it, the only people in the world who can make a difference. And with this ability comes a great burden of responsibility. We carry the troubles of every soul in our kingdoms upon our shoulders. If we are lucky, we have a few friendly hands reached out to steady us.

"We are very few, and very fallible. But we are also very powerful. And so, if it is really up to us, then I find it utterly foolish to neglect our duty."

"What are you saying?" frowned Shouryuu.

She turned to him. "En-Ou, why did you help me, when Rakushun sent you that letter? Why did you help Tai, when Risai came to us?"

"I'm not totally heartless, you know."

She shook her head. "You can shrug it off, but I know that you feel it too. The weight of moral responsibility. When you hear the cries of the suffering, and know that you are one of the only people who can ease them, then how much more painful they are to the ears."

"Youko."

"You know it's true- you _all_ know it's true, especially the kirin here. We were given our thrones for a reason."

"That reason is to look after our own countries," said Shouryuu, eyes a little darker. "You're beginning to worry me, Youko."

"Don't you remember Kakuno?" she shot back at him. "The tents of the burnt and bleeding? The cries of the wounded? The mourning for the dead?"

"Things like this happen. It's hard to deal with, but deal we must."

"No! No, no, no- _don't you see?_ I can't… I can't sit back and watch Kou falling to her knees! There are people over there! Living, breathing people!"

Shouryuu's mouth was tight. He was quiet for a moment.

"We searched Kakuno" he said at last.

She didn't seem to comprehend. "What?" she asked, voice hoarse.

"You were right."

"I…?"

"You were right. We saw it too. Someone burnt Kakuno deliberately. Why, we don't know. But it was without a doubt an act of premeditated murder."

She felt blindly for her chair. Keiki gave it a nudge towards her. She sank down, hands shaking.

"I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me before?"

His gaze was unflinching. "What do you remember about the Jun Tei incident?"

"An ancient Emperor of Sai tried to intercede with the kingdom of Han, then under the rule of a despotic tyrant. The moment his armies crossed the border, he and his kirin were instantly struck dead by Tentei."

"Tentei does not distinguish between interference in another kingdom for malicious purposes, and interceding for the good of that kingdom's people. You understand this?"

"I understand."

"What do you propose to do?"

"No!" Keiki broke out, silenced by a glance from the Emperor, the full force of five hundred years radiating out from his body. He look desperately down at Kei-Ou, but she was staring at her hands, deep in thought.

"I'm not sure," she said hesitantly. "Although… I was holding hopes for financial assistance. But I would not attempt a military manoeuvre or an occupation. Just aid."

"Then you are on your own," the Emperor of En said bluntly. "En can no longer afford to finance the efforts in Kou. It's a vast sink of resources that I need for my own people. And I have other concerns. Ryuu is now, without any cloud upon its certainty, falling. Ryuu is my direct neighbour. Kou is not."

She nodded, holding his gaze. "_Wakatta_."

He frowned and looked away.

"Of course, Tai-Ou, I would not ask you to press further hardship on your people," she said smoothly, voice like glass in winter, leaving the man with no chance to speak. "Han-Ou?"

"I have a kingdom to run," he said softly, face gentle. "And I must also begin looking to Ryuu. I have enough problems of my own, helping to hold up the kingdom of Hou."

Enki cleared his throat, almost in apology. "I suggest that you ask the Emperor of Sou and his family," he said. "Sou is very wealthy and they also share Kou's border. I imagine that he would be willing to lend some assistance."

There was silence for a minute, as they all looked in trepidation at the young Empress before them. A dull roll of thunder crackled across the sky like a herald.

"Nakajima-san-"

They all glanced at Taiki. His face was kind. Kind, but sad.

"There is nothing Tai can do for Kei. But please let me know if there is something Kaname can do for Youko."

She looked up and tried to smile.

"I'm going to talk to the provisional government," she said, voice carefully casual. "I'm going to go and talk to them. See if we can't arrange some kind of Allies of the Moon, like the one Lord Gekkei managed in Hou – my apologies, Shoukei. Then I'm going to track down these arsonists."

She stood up.

"I need…I need to be alone a little while," she said, voice faint. "Please excuse me."

With that she turned and fled.

* * *

The rain broke a few moments later.

They dispersed quietly. Koshou awkwardly started after Sekishi, but Keiki silently shook his head.

He walked back to the main palace by way of the covered walkways, the roofs edged in intricately latticed wooden panels. The air was growing glutinous.

He paused a while in one of the outer courtyards, not yet ready to face the scrutiny of the palace halls. There was a twisted and gnarled black pine in the centre of the courtyard. He stood and contemplated its stoic persistence. Outside, the willows were shifting restlessly in the winds, trailing ropes of leaves through the water.

They used this courtyard to display a collection of bonsai trees. There was one on the table in front of him, a perfect replica of the black pine.

One shaped a bonsai tree slowly, with great care, over many decades. One did not let it change too quickly, one did not hurry it. Unfortunately one often didn't have the luxury of applying this method to life.

Running footsteps sounded down the walkway, splashing and growing louder. A moment later Sekishi burst through the open gate and leant against the wall to catch her breath, wiping rain from her face with the back of one hand.

"Shu-jou."

She started. "Keiki. I didn't see you there."

"You should not have run off like that."

"I know. I don't want to run away any more, Keiki. That's what I was trying to say at the meeting. I want everyone to know exactly what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it. Because how are we supposed to work together, otherwise?"

"You do not have to go to Kou yourself. You can send your soldiers instead."

She crossed to the curved stone rail and sat down. "Yes, I could. But would sending men into Kou count as an invasion? I can't take that chance. Besides, it feels to me as though I'm the only one prepared to do this correctly. There's such a prejudice against helping other countries here. Even if I fail here…perhaps it'll make people reconsider…"

She sighed. "I know everyone's thinking 'why bother?'. It's such a huge task. Every time I think about seriously I can feel myself starting to panic. Even if somehow I can find a good leader to keep Kou safe until the new Emperor ascends, the economy is still in ruins. I'll need to keep Kou afloat. I'll need to find food, and labour to rebuild roads and towns. There are refugees that need to be taken home, and tyrants to be brought to justice. And on top of that, I can't neglect Kei's concerns. There's still Kakuno to sort out. My government is in shambles. Let's not even mention the percentage of the population that still live in poverty.

I suppose all I can do is take the advice that Rakushun gave me. Find one manageable thing you think that you can handle, and do it. Then a bit more, then a bit more. I can't let myself get overwhelmed or I'll panic and never leave my rooms again."

"So you see, Keiki, I'm not running away in the slightest." She smiled slightly. "I think I'm growing up."

"You're committed to doing this, then?"

"Life is hard enough as it is, and the rewards seem small sometimes. As soon as one problem is solved, another comes along." She sat forward and looked at her hands linked together in her lap. "That's why so many people fall into despair. But there's one thing we can always hang onto." She glanced back up to him. "There is nothing more important in the world than people, Keiki. As long as we hold onto people and keep them safe and happy, nobody can say that our lives are lived in vain.

"The people of Kou aren't under my protection. But they are in trouble, and I'm in a position to help them. That doesn't mean I have to. But we're all people together, all human and all making mistakes. So even if it is a mistake, I'm going to do what I can." She breathed out. "Am I making sense? It's a hard idea to put into words."

"I think I understand," he said slowly.

Sekishi stood and started to pace to floor. "Sometimes I think it's unfair that kirin are raised only on Mt Hou, then expected to stay in the palace once they are instated as Saiho. It means that they are unaware of how matters in the kingdom really stand. It's bad down there, Keiki. That's one of the reasons I took you with me to Meikaku, during the Wa Province Rebellion. How much do you remember of Kou? It's far worse now. You haven't seen the state it's in.

"It's easy up here, when we're clothed in silks and live in golden palaces, to forget the reality of life in the kingdom. We really are in a different world. But the truth of the kingdom is not to be found in the palace. It may be quiet and peaceful up here, but none of this matters. The only thing that _does_ matter is the land below, so sometimes we have to flout convention and go look and interfere with our own two hands. Why else do you think so many bad rulers are shocked when their people rise against them? It's because they couldn't see what was happening beneath them. I've become guilty of that. I let myself become too accustomed to palace life. I can't slip like that again. So even though I have only the faintest idea of what I should be doing, I'm going to Kou myself. I want to see it with my own eyes. Spies are useful but I'm not going to rely on them totally. If I'm going to be of any help, this is on my own shoulders."

She stopped in front of him. "Do you remember, in Takuhou? I asked you to trust me, no matter what happens. Keiki, I trust you, and I need you. Even if nobody else in the world has faith in me, I can keep going if you trust me. That'll be enough."

He knew his face had fallen and gone stern, but he attempted to smile, and perhaps he didn't fail too terribly.

"I have always trusted you," he said "but I cannot help the fact that I am scared."

* * *

"Well," Enki sighed. "It was a last-ditch attempt anyway. She's nothing if not independently minded."

Keiki could feel her getting further away with every second. It was as though something was stretching taught in his chest. She'd faded from sight long ago.

She'd expressly ordered him not to feed the Rikkan some story about her going off to study in another country. It hadn't worked the first time, and she didn't want the ministers feeling bitter because they'd been lied to again. It made her seem as though she didn't trust them, and disrespected them enough to think they'd believe her excuses.

There was also no reason to put off her departure. Kei would be safe in Koukan's hands for a while, with Keiki lending his own support. She would be home in a week or two. A reconnaissance trip, she was calling it. And she had Hankyo with her, and Hyouki would keep them in contact.

He let out a long sigh.

"She's just doing what she thinks is right," Taiki protested.

Enki shrugged. "We can think something is right all we want, that doesn't mean it actually is."

"Oh, come on. You can't disapprove that much."

Enki muttered something inaudible and slunk back inside.

Taiki moved closer to Keiki. There were standing on a little rock ledge on the edges of Ryou-un Mountain. The carved stone balustrade was smooth with years of use.

"There is no sense in letting sadness and suffering rule your heart," he remarked, apparently to the afternoon air. "You will only suffer more in the end. But you _can_ do something about it."

Keiki silently looked down at him.

"She's been hurting as much as any of us. Her way of coping is to take action, jump right into the thick of the action. It's the only way she can sooth her conscience."

Taiki's mouth grew a little tight.

"It was not easy, when my kirin nature awoke for the second time. I had no horn, no powers and no shirei. Even after I was reunited with my master, rebuilding Tai from the rubble was hard work, and full of heartache.

"But you can't wait for contentment and happiness to find you. You have to search within yourself and find your own peace. Many people have expressed surprise at how I have smiled and laughed despite all the things that have happened to me. They put this down to my own peculiar nature.

"But sitting in the wreckage of our kingdom, almost all vestiges of past joy gone, it was all I could do not to break down. Still, I made myself smile, for courage, and because I knew otherwise I might never find the will to pick everything up again. I keep smiling for the people. So they can look at me and say 'the Taiho is happy. He's still the happy, smiling person he was before all this tragedy happened. If even the Taiho is sure that everything will be fine, and is behaving like this, then surely everything _will_ be fine. Perhaps we can bring ourselves to hope that Tai will be a good place again, one day."

"Taiki…"

Taiki's eyes were grave as he regarded his old friend.

"As we can do is – all we can do. Whether that be to keep smiling, or to brush off other's concerns and stride around in a cloud of self-confidence, or even to go wading right into trouble. We're all just trying to cope the best we can. Even you. All you can do is keep up that stoic face, isn't it?

"So let's let her get on with this, and get on with the things we can do. Worrying will not solve our problems. Just keep working, look after each other when we can, and not let our hearts falter when things go wrong. Besides-"

He gave a smile, slightly sad, but honest and real. "She'll pick up her own mistakes. She's never led us too badly astray before, has she?"


End file.
